My Wife's Purse

The other day I was rootin' around in my spouse's purse, And was astounded by the contents that were so diverse. If caught, I'd surely have hell to pay or maybe even worse, And fer that very reason I shall never share with her this verse! I was lookin' fer the spare car keys since mine I had displaced, But was careful not to disturb her 'valuables' in my sneaky haste! I discovered a broken pencil stub and a half-eaten Snickers bar, A Wrigley's chewin' gum wrapper and the lid of a Mason pickle jar! Diggin' further I found a dozen lipsticks in various sizes and hues, And fer some reason her bag contained a couple of 3-inch screws! Her wallet had a stash of cash that fer some reason she was hordin', And curiously among other things was a photo of the King of Jordan! I found an old 1980 date book which seemed to me of little use, And wads and wads of used Kleenex which I found rather abstruse. There was an assortment of finger nail files and emery boards, Outdated grocery coupons and various threads, strings and cords. I never did find the car keys after goin' through all the trouble. They're probably lost without a trace 'midst all that useless rubble! Thankfully, I didn't get caught or they'd be haulin' me off in a hearse, Fer furtively rootin' around in my spouse's very personal purse! Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired (c) 2015 All Rights Reserved