My Tractor Is My Mistress

The yard’s a mess and grass has grown. It’s time for me to mow. Not hard to figure on one’s own, Don’t even have to show. Some don’t agree about my plea. I’m even given strife. If you think, who that might be, That person is my wife. My tractor is my mistress, I’m having an affair. Who’s only living interest, Is cutting earth’s green hair. She gets so mad, I have to hide, And mow when she’s not here. Alone outside it’s that I ride, Just me and my John Deere. Peering out, she watches me, And peaks between the blinds. Oh the burning jealousy, That seeps inside her mind. I plead with her, said she could try, And give the thing a spin. I said I’d even keep an eye, And damn try not to grin. And then one day, I went outside, My mind went oh so nervous. For it was gone, and then she cried, She’d hired a lawn service!