My Struggle Continues Part 1

I wonder about life and what might become, Whats around the corner for me, is she the one, I sit back and feel the darkness creeping up, Wondering if i should start to cut myself again, geez m in a rut, Over the years life has thrown me some pretty heavy blows, And so i remain the same way and my feelings get awfully low, Its hard to say why i have been mad this way, Or is it my own fault at the end of the day, I am still all messed up inside maybe i have too much time, So i think too much and start trailing off to the great divine, My appetite is finished i cant even eat, My body is cold inside theres no damn heat, My heart is sinking and my mind is lost, How much to fix me how much will it cost, Im slipping away down a deep dark slope, But if you see me it wont appear that i really do mope, I think its about time that i get my hands on some weed, Its so hard what option do i have, it is what i need I need to escape to begin to feel, But its so hard to get up when im permanently kneeled, There is no more color or anything like that, Now that my minds tainted its as black as a bat, I need to get help but only when im alone, When i talk to my loved ones i really dont want to moan, I dont want more capsules or tablets or pills, For i hate myself at times and it gives me the chills, The medication is good but no good at the best, As it makes me not me, like no heart in the chest I dont want to ever become someone that im not But the bipolar is deadly and makes me want to take a shot, I dont drink no booze whisky or gin, but occasionaly i choof and oh what a grin, I know the weed is an almighty plant, But it is what it is i dont think i need to rant, Its medicine for this man, so powerful and free, To help lift all my spirits higher than the tall tree, I use psychedelics to learn and for fun, Dont look at me like im some kind of washed up bum I am growing dreads to be at one with the planet Whilst your laws say no, we just have to ban it The drugs arent what give the mental condition, It was well before that that gave the rendition, I know its not smart and very far from being wise, But its what i really need now, how is it such a surprise, The drugs have been in my life well before i started dreads, So dont make the assumption because its all in your head, Maybe it is just a coping mechanism, So go ahead just do it send me to prison, I may use on occassions but i will not over do it So dont tell me im the same that you could tell i had blew it