My Slutty Aunt's Wedding

I shook my head
Knew the day’d be messy
Some poor sap
Was marrying my Aunt Bessie

She’d slept with half of Brooklyn
Flaunting her exploits all through town
The mayor, the banker, the deli clerk
Even the birthday party clown

A wedding gown, so fitted
Her bellybutton showed
Boobs shoved up high enough
To violate building code

Minutes before the shindig
She pulled me on the roof
Snatched a flask from her garter belt
Downing one hundred ninety proof

She wanted to call it off
No way she could comply
To promise for all her life
To only screw one guy

I told her she could do it
Like many other people do
She finally calmed down 
And made her wedding day debut 

She stumbled down the aisle
Tripping on her gown
Her daddy kept her steady
‘til the pastor stared her down

She blushed but pulled together 
Long enough to give her vows
After the ceremonial kiss
Everyone went to carouse

Letting loose at the reception
She danced with all the boys
Twirling, flashing, grinning
Making all kinds of noise

I’d like to say things ended well
That monogamy she would master
But before the night was over
She got naked with the pastor

For Andrea's "Show Me the Funny" Contest

Copyright © | Year Posted 2012



Post Comments

Poetrysoup is an environment of encouragement and growth so only provide specific positive comments that indicate what you appreciate about the poem. Negative comments will result your account being banned.

Please Login to post a comment

Date: 1/5/2018 11:28:00 AM
Deliriously humorous. Superbly done, Natalie
Login to Reply
Date: 5/4/2014 2:55:00 PM
This is simply marvelous...Thanks for the laugh....Tim
Login to Reply
Date: 11/6/2013 7:24:00 PM
Nice poem... great story... very funny... Terry
Login to Reply
Date: 7/18/2013 10:45:00 PM
Natalie, LOL, thanks for the smile... congrats! love ~SKAT~
Login to Reply
Date: 7/16/2013 5:39:00 AM
Funny at its damned funniest. A double 7 to you on this winner. I'm still laughing as I'm typing this comment. I like, I like, I like. Licia :-)
Login to Reply
Date: 7/15/2013 11:57:00 PM
Thay was a piece of work
Login to Reply
Date: 7/15/2013 4:03:00 PM
HA HA!...I love it!...I know now why you call yourself the 'Rouge Rhymer' Natalie...From looking at your picture I detect a hint of sly wickedness in that smile...And what did the groom have to say about his new bride or was he too busy getting naked with the pastor's wife?...Congrats - Tim
Login to Reply
Date: 7/14/2013 5:41:00 PM
Hello Nat, believe it or not, it is nice seeing you on Andrea's winning list... does this mean you are coming back, or just checking on us every now and then... what ever the reason it is nice seeng your name out in the open, congratulations in the contest.... mighty funny... love LINDA
Login to Reply
Date: 7/14/2013 3:36:00 PM
Awesome funny poem!! :D I love your sense of humor, Nat..! Congratulation on your great win.. ~Shirley
Login to Reply
Date: 7/14/2013 11:39:00 AM
Excellent write ! Had me laughing all the way through. This is one of the most absolutely creative humorous rhyme poems that I've read. Got me wondering about some of my aunts. Congratulations on your win:)
Login to Reply
Date: 7/14/2013 11:11:00 AM
Loved this one... Congrats on the win...
Login to Reply
Date: 7/13/2013 11:48:00 PM
hahaha, I am looking at what I wrote to you a year or so ago about your poem .It never won the last contest it was in, but I am glad I did it justice this time in mine. You are awesome funny and I am glad you entered my contest. I mentioned you in my blog because I just have not seen you around lately. Hope you are ok.Congrats for your win.
Login to Reply
Date: 10/6/2012 11:52:00 PM
hmmm, it looks like somebody was too funny for the judge. I went thru that winners' list and sure don't remember this awesome display of humor being there. I really love this, sure hope you post more poems soon.
Login to Reply
Date: 9/17/2012 5:10:00 AM
OOOOPS!! .....What a gas this aunt Bessie...You imagination is off the Richter scale, Natalie...Where in the world.....????...hahahahha gwendolen ps...nice to see u posting intermittantly! :
Login to Reply
Date: 9/15/2012 3:48:00 PM
What imagination! This one goes into my favorites list.
Login to Reply
The Rogue Rhymer Avatar
Natalie The Rogue Rhymer
Date: 9/15/2012 7:04:00 PM
Thanks so much Robert :) That made my day.
Date: 9/14/2012 7:32:00 PM
very funny! i enjoyed this one.......
Login to Reply
Date: 9/14/2012 7:27:00 PM
Super funny... great poem... Terry
Login to Reply
Date: 9/14/2012 4:10:00 PM
OMG Natalie....laughing at loud...this is EXCELLENT! Hugs
Login to Reply
Date: 9/14/2012 3:27:00 PM
Very funny poem. ^_^ I enjoyed reading that. Thanks
Login to Reply
Date: 9/14/2012 2:21:00 PM
HA, Natalie, nice to see you here. Your Aunt's weeding seems to be a night she will remember. Poor Pastor, i wonder if he knows the meaning of one spouse at a time. But, the dancing seems to be a must... after all the balls & chains can go both ways.. lets all live and let live... Before my wedding night, I let lose... lol... after all i was losing my freedom... good poem, now tell your Auntie to keep her close on. Always~ PD
Login to Reply
Get a Premium Membership
Get more exposure for your poetry and more features with a Premium Membership.
Book: Reflection on the Important Things

Member Area

My Admin
Profile and Settings
Edit My Poems
Edit My Quotes
Edit My Short Stories
Edit My Articles
My Comments Inboxes
My Comments Outboxes
Soup Mail
Poetry Contests
Contest Results/Status
Followers
Poems of Poets I Follow
Friend Builder

Soup Social

Poetry Forum
New/Upcoming Features
The Wall
Soup Facebook Page
Who is Online
Link to Us

Member Poems

Poems - Top 100 New
Poems - Top 100 All-Time
Poems - Best
Poems - by Topic
Poems - New (All)
Poems - New (PM)
Poems - New by Poet
Poems - Read
Poems - Unread

Member Poets

Poets - Best New
Poets - New
Poets - Top 100 Most Poems
Poets - Top 100 Most Poems Recent
Poets - Top 100 Community
Poets - Top 100 Contest

Famous Poems

Famous Poems - African American
Famous Poems - Best
Famous Poems - Classical
Famous Poems - English
Famous Poems - Haiku
Famous Poems - Love
Famous Poems - Short
Famous Poems - Top 100

Famous Poets

Famous Poets - Living
Famous Poets - Most Popular
Famous Poets - Top 100
Famous Poets - Best
Famous Poets - Women
Famous Poets - African American
Famous Poets - Beat
Famous Poets - Cinquain
Famous Poets - Classical
Famous Poets - English
Famous Poets - Haiku
Famous Poets - Hindi
Famous Poets - Jewish
Famous Poets - Love
Famous Poets - Metaphysical
Famous Poets - Modern
Famous Poets - Punjabi
Famous Poets - Romantic
Famous Poets - Spanish
Famous Poets - Suicidal
Famous Poets - Urdu
Famous Poets - War

Poetry Resources

Anagrams
Bible
Book Store
Character Counter
Cliché Finder
Poetry Clichés
Common Words
Copyright Information
Grammar
Grammar Checker
Homonym
Homophones
How to Write a Poem
Lyrics
Love Poem Generator
New Poetic Forms
Plagiarism Checker
Poetics
Poetry Art
Publishing
Random Word Generator
Spell Checker
Store
What is Good Poetry?
Word Counter