Get Your Premium Membership

My Slutty Aunt's Wedding

I shook my head Knew the day’d be messy Some poor sap Was marrying my Aunt Bessie She’d slept with half of Brooklyn Flaunting her exploits all through town The mayor, the banker, the deli clerk Even the birthday party clown A wedding gown, so fitted Her bellybutton showed Boobs shoved up high enough To violate building code Minutes before the shindig She pulled me on the roof Snatched a flask from her garter belt Downing one hundred ninety proof She wanted to call it off No way she could comply To promise for all her life To only screw one guy I told her she could do it Like many other people do She finally calmed down And made her wedding day debut She stumbled down the aisle Tripping on her gown Her daddy kept her steady ‘til the pastor stared her down She blushed but pulled together Long enough to give her vows After the ceremonial kiss Everyone went to carouse Letting loose at the reception She danced with all the boys Twirling, flashing, grinning Making all kinds of noise I’d like to say things ended well That monogamy she would master But before the night was over She got naked with the pastor For Andrea's "Show Me the Funny" Contest

Copyright © | Year Posted 2012

Post Comments

Poetrysoup is an environment of encouragement and growth so only provide specific positive comments that indicate what you appreciate about the poem.

Please Login to post a comment

Date: 1/5/2018 11:28:00 AM
Deliriously humorous. Superbly done, Natalie
Login to Reply
Date: 5/4/2014 2:55:00 PM
This is simply marvelous...Thanks for the laugh....Tim
Login to Reply
Date: 11/6/2013 7:24:00 PM
Nice poem... great story... very funny... Terry
Login to Reply
Date: 7/18/2013 10:45:00 PM
Natalie, LOL, thanks for the smile... congrats! love ~SKAT~
Login to Reply
Date: 7/16/2013 5:39:00 AM
Funny at its damned funniest. A double 7 to you on this winner. I'm still laughing as I'm typing this comment. I like, I like, I like. Licia :-)
Login to Reply
Date: 7/15/2013 11:57:00 PM
Thay was a piece of work
Login to Reply
Date: 7/15/2013 4:03:00 PM
HA HA!...I love it!...I know now why you call yourself the 'Rouge Rhymer' Natalie...From looking at your picture I detect a hint of sly wickedness in that smile...And what did the groom have to say about his new bride or was he too busy getting naked with the pastor's wife?...Congrats - Tim
Login to Reply
Date: 7/14/2013 5:41:00 PM
Hello Nat, believe it or not, it is nice seeing you on Andrea's winning list... does this mean you are coming back, or just checking on us every now and then... what ever the reason it is nice seeng your name out in the open, congratulations in the contest.... mighty funny... love LINDA
Login to Reply
Date: 7/14/2013 3:36:00 PM
Awesome funny poem!! :D I love your sense of humor, Nat..! Congratulation on your great win.. ~Shirley
Login to Reply
Date: 7/14/2013 11:39:00 AM
Excellent write ! Had me laughing all the way through. This is one of the most absolutely creative humorous rhyme poems that I've read. Got me wondering about some of my aunts. Congratulations on your win:)
Login to Reply
Date: 7/14/2013 11:11:00 AM
Loved this one... Congrats on the win...
Login to Reply
Date: 7/13/2013 11:48:00 PM
hahaha, I am looking at what I wrote to you a year or so ago about your poem .It never won the last contest it was in, but I am glad I did it justice this time in mine. You are awesome funny and I am glad you entered my contest. I mentioned you in my blog because I just have not seen you around lately. Hope you are ok.Congrats for your win.
Login to Reply
Date: 10/6/2012 11:52:00 PM
hmmm, it looks like somebody was too funny for the judge. I went thru that winners' list and sure don't remember this awesome display of humor being there. I really love this, sure hope you post more poems soon.
Login to Reply
Date: 9/17/2012 5:10:00 AM
OOOOPS!! .....What a gas this aunt Bessie...You imagination is off the Richter scale, Natalie...Where in the world.....????...hahahahha gwendolen ps...nice to see u posting intermittantly! :
Login to Reply
Date: 9/15/2012 3:48:00 PM
What imagination! This one goes into my favorites list.
Login to Reply
The Rogue Rhymer Avatar
Natalie The Rogue Rhymer
Date: 9/15/2012 7:04:00 PM
Thanks so much Robert :) That made my day.
Date: 9/14/2012 7:32:00 PM
very funny! i enjoyed this one.......
Login to Reply
Date: 9/14/2012 7:27:00 PM
Super funny... great poem... Terry
Login to Reply
Date: 9/14/2012 4:10:00 PM
OMG Natalie....laughing at loud...this is EXCELLENT! Hugs
Login to Reply
Date: 9/14/2012 3:27:00 PM
Very funny poem. ^_^ I enjoyed reading that. Thanks
Login to Reply
Date: 9/14/2012 2:21:00 PM
HA, Natalie, nice to see you here. Your Aunt's weeding seems to be a night she will remember. Poor Pastor, i wonder if he knows the meaning of one spouse at a time. But, the dancing seems to be a must... after all the balls & chains can go both ways.. lets all live and let live... Before my wedding night, I let lose... lol... after all i was losing my freedom... good poem, now tell your Auntie to keep her close on. Always~ PD
Login to Reply