My Secret Life

I whype away a tear Sudden twinge of fear Oh no what have I done To the bathroom I must run My anxiety and regret pry at me till I can no longer take it My throat is still sore from this mornings lie I ask god each day to please let me die My family have no clue so I think  As I turn on the bathroom sink  I stick my calloused cut fingers down my throat My eyes begin to water I'm frozen in time all I am aware of is the food I shoved down my throat finding it's way back into a porcelain bowl  I flush to rid the evidence I'm relieved and less tense  The taste of bile lingers in the back of my throat I fight back tears I have stopped looking in mirrors This is the shame I deal with everyday so I lift my sleeve and cut myself As my stomach growls and blood escapes my vain For that fragment of a second I feel no pain Now I must paint on a smile and do it all over again tomorrow The pain I lock deep inside my heart  Is tearing my life apart  How did this happen to me