My Secret Life
I whype away a tear
Sudden twinge of fear
Oh no what have I done
To the bathroom I must run
My anxiety and regret pry at me till I can no longer take it
My throat is still sore from this mornings lie
I ask god each day to please let me die
My family have no clue so I think
As I turn on the bathroom sink
I stick my calloused cut fingers down my throat
My eyes begin to water I'm frozen in time all I am aware of is the food I shoved down my throat finding it's way
back into a porcelain bowl
I flush to rid the evidence
I'm relieved and less tense
The taste of bile lingers in the back of my throat I fight back tears
I have stopped looking in mirrors
This is the shame I deal with everyday so I lift my sleeve and cut myself
As my stomach growls and blood escapes my vain
For that fragment of a second I feel no pain
Now I must paint on a smile and do it all over again tomorrow
The pain I lock deep inside my heart
Is tearing my life apart
How did this happen to me
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