My Return

Life is raping me but it's time I come back from being dead for so long. I know you didn't want me to live. Fragile, disturbed and scarred I couldn't pursue anything without you (me) pulling me back behind closed doors and when I left I was even more dead inside as before. suicide is something I know I am going to commit one day. Heart burns like fuel incinerating me from the inside, itch itch irritating me. It was stopping me from sleeping as well as tinnitus. You wanted me to die, I might as well cause I couldn't live and I tried so many times before but I got raped again and I got dragged back to the pure black isolated room of my mind and you were there to greet me as I fell down crying, suffering and confused again and again and again. Please just leave me, please just stop. you've done enough. I didn't want to die without fully living and doing everything I have set out to do but I couldn't stop thinking about things worsening it was always at the back of mind at that moment in my life. 2015 has started off like a nightmare. I'm trying hard not make it as bad as 2013.My left ear rung loads out of no where as well as other sounds in my head.. All the suffering I let happen won't happen again I promise myself. I accept the pain I will feel human I will feel alive again. I crawl through the muddy grave eviscerated, incarcerated and broken climbing to the surface with the rain greeting me resurrecting my self. I feel alive again, in my own skin I feel real and comfortable. Optimistic and accepting I want to prevent the things that almost kept me buried alive forever.