My Pride

I sit in the middle of my bed, close my eyes and begin the attempt to clear my head.I sit there and try to think of nothing but I begin to think about something. In the attempt to clear my head,the thoughts build up instead. Now I'm taking a trip down memory lane and now I start to feel the pain and my closed eyes begin to rain. Remembering the good times that didnt last. I open my teary eyes to realize im stuck in the past...I lost everything in a flash. Now I'm angry because of the pain I feel, I keep wondering if my wounded heart will ever heal. When will I stop mourning my mother? I stay missing my jailed brother. I wish my siblings would get it together, will I have to suffer forever?!!! I keep fighting and striving but problems keep arising. My mind is in so many different places, like a slideshow it shows me all the missed faces. I wish I could describe the pain I feel inside, I'm on a rollar coaster going down an emotional ride. My pride won't let me speak, if I expose myself I see myself as weak. I suck it up and put those feeling back. I wipe my eyes and sit up then I shake my head and stand up. I've gone back to shut down mode. I'm hurting on the inside and playing numb on the outside...