My Inner Voice

It startled me awake, screaming raw obscenities
Blaming me for something I did when I was five
Before bed, we reverently spoke prayerful entreaties
In the morning hours, our alliance took a nosedive

It introduced itself while I played with my doll
Temperamental and audacious, taking me aback
We have never had much in common, not that I recall
It has vicious tantrums and the impulse to attack

It calls me by my nickname to get my attention at will
And will argue or threaten me every time I ignore
No matter if I am driving or simply standing still
Becoming more odious; its tone I have learned to abhor

There was a time when I met this guy whom I admired
I put on my best performance to let him know my feelings
I shared my expectations, boundaries, and what I required
On the second date, it revealed itself and left him reeling

The voice can be audaciously loud, drowning out my reality
I am prone to peace, whereas it craves a taste of violence
Like the zodiac Gemini, as twins, we exist in a world of duality
No matter that I know what’s best when under its influence

It came to a climax when I opened a can of fruit for a pie
My son interrupted me as I conversed with myself privately
I angrily threw the ragged-edge top, cutting him over his eye
Then, I bullied him into lying if anyone asked about the injury

My inside voice and I have been in and out of mental institutions
Receiving shock treatment to untangle ourselves from one another
They defined the terms paranoid schizophrenia and depression
But I’m on the verge of self-asphyxiation, causing it to smother

Copyright © Carolyn June-Jackson | Year Posted 2023

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