My Inner Voice

It startled me awake, screaming raw obscenities Blaming me for something I did when I was five Before bed, we reverently spoke prayerful entreaties In the morning hours, our alliance took a nosedive It introduced itself while I played with my doll Temperamental and audacious, taking me aback We have never had much in common, not that I recall It has vicious tantrums and the impulse to attack It calls me by my nickname to get my attention at will And will argue or threaten me every time I ignore No matter if I am driving or simply standing still Becoming more odious; its tone I have learned to abhor There was a time when I met this guy whom I admired I put on my best performance to let him know my feelings I shared my expectations, boundaries, and what I required On the second date, it revealed itself and left him reeling The voice can be audaciously loud, drowning out my reality I am prone to peace, whereas it craves a taste of violence Like the zodiac Gemini, as twins, we exist in a world of duality No matter that I know what’s best when under its influence It came to a climax when I opened a can of fruit for a pie My son interrupted me as I conversed with myself privately I angrily threw the ragged-edge top, cutting him over his eye Then, I bullied him into lying if anyone asked about the injury My inside voice and I have been in and out of mental institutions Receiving shock treatment to untangle ourselves from one another They defined the terms paranoid schizophrenia and depression But I’m on the verge of self-asphyxiation, causing it to smother