My Friend With Privileges
How shall I begin,
we say we're not a couple,
but we had been living together
since I don't know when.
Why I can tell you how the day will go
by the way she breaks wind.
Now I'll say good morning,
no matter which end of her speaks first.
She'll excuse herself
and run off to the bathroom,
for some water
and the medication in her purse.
Being a man,
I'll at least open a window,
and wonder which end
of her is more intelligent.
You see with me
She doesn't waste any time
speaking her mind,
So, as a gentleman.
I only listen to the end that wears lipstick.
Now I've been told that a lady,
doesn’t fart or break wind, they either
poot, pass gas or lose their manners.
But if you ask me it all smells the same.
As she walks around
making her little musical sounds.
It has the added side effect of us
not needing an exterminator.
As a man, blessed with a poor since of smell.
My need to ventilate the room as you can tell,
is more to for the health of my house plants.
Who are at this moment
trying to jump out the window.
Now don’t get me wrong,
she is a lovely woman.
Her figure and grace
I will describe
as poetry in motion.
She moves with a carefree coordination
that would make you a fan
of her ability to walk and chew bubble gum.
It’s like Wrigley’s invented
chewing gum just for her.
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