My Friend the Enemy

My great escape has taken me captive the pleasure is lost replaced with regret Lately my ego has been over active no small measure since i haven't lost it all yet The risk is great the reward much better lately i tire and i don't feel i can endure i tell my self your so damn clever Iam also a liar i only need just one cure the back and forth the same situations same old tale it was only just a taste the shame and all the accusations how Ive tried to fail and my existence is a waste i understand the concept i know to play the game but presently I'm caught in the motion preparing for the onset of the old familiar pain that unwanted torrent of emotion If i succeed to come back down the weight lessens but the excuses are right at hand always push my self around an ego bully sessions the things my darker side can demand i see the obvious outcome i don't blink an eye i go until the motors seized try to do a little less but then i wonder why at least this way one half of me is pleased watch the world around me from distance place close at hand buried deep inside once again it found me the beast is real persistent and he never gives to pride my body a prison cell locking out the rain and light so it can devour the hole that's rotting make the first incision a second wrapped in delight no other me no constant plotting in the end i know it will be for not haven't learned lessons that were taught I'm the only person that i fought i want to make it right gain a little ground and some insight save a little strength for the last round of the fight put it all aside seek out those who in which i could confide what could the other me do when it can no longer provide starve out the traitor self serving dog offers no favor a greedy needy voice that keeps me awake my on self hater this time i need to recover my mind is cracking and my sickly body always has the aches don't want to suffer i know I'm found still lacking but i want to change for my own sake when i leave behind this part of me instantly the years of hurt will just up and go away it isn't so kind he will always be there whispers constantly put away color for the endless gray