Samson Lee | + Follow Poet |
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My Fears

I’m scared of the lies, I’m scared to give away my heart
Cause it’s been broke before and torn apart 
I’m scared of the feelings that I’m feeling right now
Cause I can’t be the perfect guy for her, I don’t know how
But most of all I’m scared that I won’t be able to give her the best possible life
The fear of never being good enough constantly eats me alive
Every day I fight my insecurities 
But it gets harder when the enemy reminds you of all your impurities
Look in the mirror and see nothing but a failure
I ask myself why I’m alive if I’m letting down my savior 
It’s easy to fail by yourself because the only one who loses is you 
But when you have a family, you don’t know want to take risks in anything that you do
People tell me I’m worth a lot, but I don’t know if it’s true
I never valued myself and that’s probably why I think she can do better 
There’s a voice in my head that screams I’ll never end up with her
I can live with that, as long as she ends up happy 
But I can’t live with myself if I never tell her what’s in my heart, even if it’s sappy 
Is it love when you do what you think is best, but end up hurting them instead
I ask myself questions like this at night when I lie awake in my bed
Deep into the night, the only thing that keeps me company is a negative thought 
But I want to be better, that’s something that I always sought 
Even if I can never have her, I’ll keep on growing, emotionally and spiritually 
I’m going to keep on fighting my inner demons and develop my mind, not just my body physically 
Her eyes are dazzling, her smile is breathtaking, and her heart is beautiful 
I can go on and on when I put pen to paper, but she’ll never hear it though 
At least not for now, because I’m still too insecure to tell her how I feel
I want to lay the foundation as friends, because my feelings are too real
There’s a lot of negative in my life and I hate myself every day 
I know that I made this bed, and in it I must lay 
But even though I have hatred and despair in me
At the end of the day, I just want to make everyone happy
I want to bring smiles to people’s faces, not tears
This outlet is just another way for me to face my fears
I want to build something I can be proud of, have something to invite her into
A life where she can be free, and do anything that she wanted to do
I would’ve never grown as much as I have if she was never nice to me
Reaching out to a scared boy, alone in the dark, who couldn’t see
Nervous in a new environment, and confused about what he was learning 
My feelings for her grew every day, and for her warmth I was yearning 
Thank you for just being who you are 
You don’t know how much you changed my life by far

Copyright © Samson Lee | Year Posted 2019

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