Catalina Freitas-Estores | + Follow Poet |
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My Dying Choice I Live In Regret

To my unborn child, I'm so SORRY
I can't stop this pain, it's a non-stop debate of how it all would be

Painted images and thoughts constantly fill my head
I've tried to escape it but the only way is by being dead

I felt your every move and each kick you'd randomly do
I still pray to wake up and none of this is true

Staring at you through the ultrasound with tears, you were so innocent
supposed to have been a precious gift that God had sent

Instead I completely failed
I gave up so easy like my parents, who ran and bailed

I tried to hold on the best I could
But my head always Wins like I knew this time it would

It feels like just yesterday that I remember
Laying awake , rubbing my belly and promising to love you forever

For the first time I was starting to feel so happy
Because finally I wasn't alone, I had you there always keeping me company

I instantly changed for you
gave up on all my dreams and for a better future, I even went back to school

That first day I seen you on the ultrasound
I whispered a promise to always protect you and never to let you down.

But now I'm here wishing It was me that ended up dead
And for you to experience living in happiness and well fed

Please know I didn’t want to do any of it
You would of only been taken into foster care because of your parents being seen as unfit

Ever since that day you were sent back to God my life has changed for the worst
Its like my selfish decisions and KARMA left me forever cursed

Truth is I no longer live with desire
That girl who was once successful, no longer has that same fire

Everyday I wake up
and hope no one sees my pain through all this makeup

This is one mistake I can never find a way to forgive myself
I get anxiety thinking of them ripping your body apart and how scared you must of felt

I promised that I was going to protect you
Embarrassingly I broke that promise and took your life too

I've been through hell in life
But this is lethal makes me want to stab my own heart with a knife

Lost all this hurt and pain that I feel and to escape it I don't know what else to do
I'm nothing more then a coward, a selfish decision that ended instead with making me look like the FOOL.

This is my story of how I still remain living in regret
I will make sure to not make this same mistake and donating my eggs is how i chose to pay off this debt!!!!!!!

Copyright © Catalina Freitas-Estores | Year Posted 2019

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