My Darling Won'T Have Her Fish Fingers

My darling won’t have her fish fingers, She sullenly shuns her Big Mac, She says that she’d rather eat legumes (It’s some vegetarian crap). She says she don’t want to eat nuggets, Though I tell her it’s chicken, not gold And her mayonnaise sandwich I left on the shelf Is still sitting there gathering mould. And I wonder who gave her this notion, This strange and uncommon idea That food should be tasteless And men should be waistless And down pints of water, not beer. She says I’ve turned into a relic, That my thinking is all in the past, My era loved wasting and contaminasting, While her’s wants the planet to last. And so now I’ve decided to change things. I’ve finally decided to please. Her birthday is coming this weekend; I’ll buy her some frozen peas.