Michele Holub Poet Free verse

Mute My Affection

I’ve fu**ed up your nervous system again 

And I don’t want that for you 

I will leave you be 
 

I can’t hold you while you run 

It’s a fool’s errand to hold so tight 

I will accept it 

 
I still feel tethered to your heart 

You can’t let me go but you are gone again 

I will cut you loose 


You will never choose my steadfast love 

I have no choice but to choose myself 

I will love me 
 

You are turning me into an avoidant 

Leave me alone to my melancholy isolation 

I will hide 


I used to stand on my tippy-toes for you 

Now I’m abandoned for my vulnerability 

I will lose hope 

 
I miss being happy while shining in your eyes 

But my shine is dimmed by your resistance 

I will fade away 

 
I feel like I’m playing a cruel game 

But I don’t know the rules 

I will stop guessing 

 
I’m going to leave on a high note 

But that note is silent 

I will mute my affection 

 
I understand you now, but you won’t ever know 

You won’t speak to me in this space of yours 

I will stop waiting 
 

There’s an accountability verse that needs to be written 

The resentment builds in your stoic silence 

I will be quiet 

 
And now I grieve the loss of you 

I quietly long to hear your voice 

I miss you

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