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Moving On

MOVING ON...

Warning! Up  ahead Years of agony, lonliness  & grieving
doesn't feel real I don't want to start believing
my heart in TRUE pain it has consumed me
This isn't the I thought it would turn out to be
I'm searching for YOU
keep calling out ur name
My life is forever changed
I will NEVER be  the same
don't want pity condolences or depressing  sympathy letters
there's NOTHING ON Earth that can make THIS better
Just wanted MORE time together
I am barely hanging  this hurts from the inside
cant seem to let go of the day you died
to me just doesn't make any sense
the gnawing pain TOO intense
Forget about monetarily
Than the haunting realization comes back to ME
Everything about you FOREVER in my memory
Not sure if could have
 was there more I could have done for you?
Please know I ADVOCATED to the best of my ability
Because I know that's what you would have done for ME
ocean of salty tears I have cried
Im lost without YOU
YOU are my hearts guide
This is to HARD for me
don't think I can survive but  just for YOU I have really TRIED
Wish YOU were right here by my side
wish I believed that I was going to be "just fine"
if that's true God  can you give me some kind of a sign?
don't have the strength for this MOUNTAIN of depression that I must climb
please bring her back to when she was all mine
I swear I will do everything right this time I'm not prepared  for for my emotional decline
I am a big softie by design
how much this hurts difficult to define
You are the BEST Mom the pleasure has been ALL MINE
My dearest mother I already MISS youI
lLoved the way you called me "your boo"
you make me feel so special like no other can do
there are no words to describe how much I really love YOU
I know that you have a soft spot for me too
so many  THANKS that I owe you
most difficult thing I have EVER been through
no one could have prepared me for the devastation of losing YOU
I wish their was more that  I I could do
give you ANYTHING of mine if u wanted me too
have waited all my life for a chance to finally REPAY you for all the unselfish things that YOU do
I don't wanna go on if it's not with YOU
Want to make you proud have no regret
Already know that  if I gave up would make u very upset
telling me "U NEED TO DO what u gotta do..I still believe in you "
think of the little girl you have and pull yourself thru
if you hurt her you will be hurting me too
now your all that she's got because God called me to the pearly gates
I believe in you my sweet misunderstood child  you have got WHAT it takes
chin up move forward put a smile on your face
raise her to be a good person full of compassion and grace
please tell her in my heart just for her is a special place
and how I will MISS her smiling face
to help you raise her the last 11 years the best job that I have ever had
tell her AMA said please don't be sad
we had 11 wonderful years together and for that I'm SO glad
I will see her one day in the clouds above
I will be right beside her everyday filled with LOVE.
you girls are strong you must carry  on please do it for me so that I can rest comfortably
this life a dress rehearsal for what's meant to be
a life of happiness that is PAIN FREE
we will experience together for all of eternity
now please carry on with your LIFE no more crying for ME

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