Moving On

MOVING ON... Warning! Up ahead Years of agony, lonliness & grieving doesn't feel real I don't want to start believing my heart in TRUE pain it has consumed me This isn't the I thought it would turn out to be I'm searching for YOU keep calling out ur name My life is forever changed I will NEVER be the same don't want pity condolences or depressing sympathy letters there's NOTHING ON Earth that can make THIS better Just wanted MORE time together I am barely hanging this hurts from the inside cant seem to let go of the day you died to me just doesn't make any sense the gnawing pain TOO intense Forget about monetarily Than the haunting realization comes back to ME Everything about you FOREVER in my memory Not sure if could have was there more I could have done for you? Please know I ADVOCATED to the best of my ability Because I know that's what you would have done for ME ocean of salty tears I have cried Im lost without YOU YOU are my hearts guide This is to HARD for me don't think I can survive but just for YOU I have really TRIED Wish YOU were right here by my side wish I believed that I was going to be "just fine" if that's true God can you give me some kind of a sign? don't have the strength for this MOUNTAIN of depression that I must climb please bring her back to when she was all mine I swear I will do everything right this time I'm not prepared for for my emotional decline I am a big softie by design how much this hurts difficult to define You are the BEST Mom the pleasure has been ALL MINE My dearest mother I already MISS youI lLoved the way you called me "your boo" you make me feel so special like no other can do there are no words to describe how much I really love YOU I know that you have a soft spot for me too so many THANKS that I owe you most difficult thing I have EVER been through no one could have prepared me for the devastation of losing YOU I wish their was more that I I could do give you ANYTHING of mine if u wanted me too have waited all my life for a chance to finally REPAY you for all the unselfish things that YOU do I don't wanna go on if it's not with YOU Want to make you proud have no regret Already know that if I gave up would make u very upset telling me "U NEED TO DO what u gotta do..I still believe in you " think of the little girl you have and pull yourself thru if you hurt her you will be hurting me too now your all that she's got because God called me to the pearly gates I believe in you my sweet misunderstood child you have got WHAT it takes chin up move forward put a smile on your face raise her to be a good person full of compassion and grace please tell her in my heart just for her is a special place and how I will MISS her smiling face to help you raise her the last 11 years the best job that I have ever had tell her AMA said please don't be sad we had 11 wonderful years together and for that I'm SO glad I will see her one day in the clouds above I will be right beside her everyday filled with LOVE. you girls are strong you must carry on please do it for me so that I can rest comfortably this life a dress rehearsal for what's meant to be a life of happiness that is PAIN FREE we will experience together for all of eternity now please carry on with your LIFE no more crying for ME