Mother and Daughter
I wake to hear you crying, calling out to me.
I wearily open my eyes, it’s only half past 3.
I sigh, roll over, cover my ears, trying to ignore.
But your persistent need for me, just grows more and more.
Eventually I go to you, and see you’ve wet the bed.
I feel bad making you wait so long, but these nights fill me with dread.
I clean you up and change the sheets, get you a small drink.
I go to leave, but you reach for me. And my heart starts to sink.
I climb into bed beside you and cuddle you in close.
I’m exhausted but I know it’s now, that you need me the most.
I push your hair away from your eyes, and slowly stroke your face.
Sing to you a lullaby, the song Amazing Grace.
Eventually you settle and we get much needed rest.
Some nights feel worse than others, our very own endurance test.
Your night-time escapades don’t stop you waking with the sun.
I sigh, remembering a time when my life was more fun.
I help you dress, and you complain about the clothes I choose.
I ask you to pick for yourself, but of course you refuse.
You watch tv and there is peace, if only for a while.
You sing along to the music, and I cannot help but smile.
I take you out for dinner and have to cut up your food.
You spill your drink, a woman tuts, people can be so rude.
I long for the future when this is not the case.
But immediately feel guilty when I see your innocent face.
We go home and I give you a bath, and everything’s wrong for you.
The shampoo hurts, the water’s cold, and then you need a poo!
Finally, your pyjamas are on, and I settle you down to sleep.
You fight it, I am so drained, I feel like I could weep.
I know I should enjoy this time, but sometimes it’s so tough.
I love you so much, but I wonder, if I am enough.
I’m lucky just to have you here, and I know that one day.
I will look back and regret, wishing your life away.
Eventually you fall asleep, and I creep out the door.
Into my own bed exhausted, I can’t do this anymore.
I find myself daydreaming, remembering a time long gone.
Cos even though you’re still alive, God how I miss you, Mum.
Copyright © Sarah Portrey | Year Posted 2024
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