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Mother

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** This poem is in jest, written for a contest, and in NO way reflects my feelings toward my mom, (and I hate gin, lol), who is and always has been, my best friend in this world. It was certainly a fun project, however! **

There is one lass, and one alone, compels the sun - no other, And as it just so happens, that bonny maid's my mother! Now, don't you dare make mention of her fast-expanding corset, For just one taste, her hummus paste - I'm sure that you'd endorse it. You've never seen such rosy cheeks, (the same, her nose and ears) ... It matters not her flushing skin means one too many beers ... And, oh, that golden voice of hers, like a choir of angels singing! So bright and clear, to pound your ear, (you'll get used to all the ringing). And my-oh-my, her generous heart! Almost always gifting food ... (I'm forced to eat the stuff myself, so she won't get in "that" mood). She has the softest skin I know, the coldest wind won't phase her, With the cutest little mustache, (though it's time she bought a razor). And oh-my-gosh, her hugs - divine! The warm technique she uses ... She'll squeeze you like a pipe wrench, (don't mind the breaks and bruises). Don't even THINK to call her "fat", or feel my wrath, thereof ... As Dad said, ('fore he disappeared), "There's SO much there to love!" Ah - that whole thing with father, well, she says he ran away ... Tho' he left his ring and dentures, (did she close the well that day?). Indeed, she has a winning smile - such charm, it does bequeath! I know her glow will warm you so, (despite those missing teeth). What's best, her witty comebacks, you'll be laughing hard, I guess, (I suggest you DO, or option two, is the club beneath her dress). Oh, the love and joys with mother, now where on earth do I begin? I'd be happy to keep yapping ... (for another fifth of gin). ~ 1st Place ~ in the "Gin In the Morning" Poetry Contest, Julia Ward, Judge & Sponsor. Submitted on July 13, 2018 to the "Amuse Me With Your Rhyme - Let A Man From Asia Be Your Guide" Poetry Contest, Nick Trim, Judge & Sponsor. Still Pending.

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Kai Michael Neumann

Date: 3/28/2018 3:04:00 AM

Very funny and well written. Kai

Gregory Richard Barden
Date: 3/28/2018 3:35:00 AM

Thanks so much, Kai - it was a fun project! :-)

Martins Deep

Date: 3/22/2018 4:41:00 AM

Ha ha! A good poem to help a man who has had a hard day.

Gregory Richard Barden
Date: 3/23/2018 1:30:00 AM

Glad it helped you smile, Martins - blessings, my friend! :-)

Gershon Wolf

Date: 3/19/2018 10:31:00 AM

Hilarious romp; so enjoyable. And no way on earth that could be your mother, of course!...Reminds me of the first Don Rickles insult I ever heard: "Your teeth are like stars. They come out at night." Thanks for the yuks and howls, my friend! Best wishes, Gershon

Gregory Richard Barden
Date: 3/22/2018 2:32:00 AM

LOL - that's a good one, Gershon! Thanks so much - I'm pleased you enjoyed it, my friend! :-)

Maureen Mcgreavy

Date: 3/16/2018 10:21:00 AM

Smashing good time reading this Greg! Even I could have kept reading more. Fave and muchos congratulations <3 xomo!

Gregory Richard Barden
Date: 3/16/2018 8:24:00 PM

Thank you, Mo - I'm pleased you liked this one ... it was a fun write, and I could have easily kept going, lol. (Maybe a Part 2 coming?) I haven't dipped many toes into the humor genre, but I think I may do so regularly. Fun!! :-) <3

Andrea Dietrich

Date: 3/15/2018 6:24:00 PM

AWESOME poem. I can see why it placed so high. A very well deserved trophy win! Congrats to you. It is very cleverly written.

Gregory Richard Barden
Date: 3/15/2018 11:02:00 PM

That's so kind of you, Andrea, thanks - I'm pleased you enjoyed it! :-)

Jerry Hackett

Date: 3/14/2018 1:48:00 PM

Great

Gregory Richard Barden
Date: 3/15/2018 11:01:00 PM

Thank you, Jerry - blessings, friend! :-)

Line Gauthier

Date: 3/14/2018 9:04:00 AM

Back with well deserved congrats, Gregory.

Gregory Richard Barden
Date: 3/15/2018 11:00:00 PM

Many kind thanks, Line! :-)

Reason A. Poteet

Date: 3/14/2018 7:16:00 AM

Hey, Greg, you could write a book and still not be finished with your accolades. Your talent shines on this one, congratulations.

Gregory Richard Barden
Date: 3/15/2018 11:00:00 PM

You are very kind, RAP, and I so appreciate your heartfelt comments! Blessings and smiles, my friend! :-)

Kim Rodrigues

Date: 3/14/2018 6:57:00 AM

A funny one, Greg! Congrats on your first place drunken write! ;) Kim

Gregory Richard Barden
Date: 3/15/2018 10:59:00 PM

Ha! Thank you, Kim - this was a drunken blast ... we need to smile once-in-a-while, we artists - not EVERYthing is tragedy or rainbows. Blessings, friend! :-) <3

Rhoda Tripp

Date: 3/14/2018 4:29:00 AM

Oh my Gosh! Love those parentheses, Lol. This is hilarious. Congratulations on your first place. Very well deserved.

Gregory Richard Barden
Date: 3/15/2018 10:56:00 PM

Thank you so much, Rhoda - this was a fun project! :-)

Line Gauthier

Date: 3/13/2018 8:08:00 PM

OMG, tell the truth, Gregory, you were just getting started, weren't you? You sounded like it was as much fun to write as it was to read. Well done!

Gregory Richard Barden
Date: 3/13/2018 10:03:00 PM

Totally, Line, lol - I wanted to keep going, but it was already long enough to keep many people from reading it, so I stopped. This was a blast! :-)