More Texas Idioms
More Texas Idioms
(that have been around)
“since Heck was a pup”
Composed: by Tom
1/11/2021
Heck was “fat as a boarding house cat” and that’s no bunk,
some thought that he, was “tougher than stewed skunk.”
They said never play cards with this man called Heck,
cause “He’s on a first name basis with the bottom of the deck.”
He’s so crooked, “you can’t tell from his tracks if he’s coming or going,”
and if Heck says it’s hot its “afixin” to start snowing.
He’ll leave you feeling confused “as a goat on AstroTurf” or a dope,
I couldn’t tell if “I’d lost my mule or found a rope.”
The purpose of my visit was just to size up this brawler,
He lived “left past yonder” about “two hoots and a holler.”
I quickly saw that Heck was just mostly idle prattle,
that he was a man “who was all hat and no cattle”.
He was “yellow as mustard but without the bite,”
and “if he was melted down he couldn’t be poured into a fight”.
With visit over as I headed out I heard him say,
“never kick a Cow patty on a hot day.”
I’ve been “From here to there and back again,”
no more am I going, now that I’ve been.
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