More Agony
My friend I want you to know
That happy for you I am
As before the coming snow
You will have a baby in a pram.
Your shower today was nice
I thought I could handle it.
But my heart is not ice
For jeaousy I feel this I admit.
I feel like a loon
My babies gone
No lullabies to croon
No being woke at dawn.
I thought I could handle this
Be here for my dear friend
But there is gaping abyss
And I do not want to offend.
This your day to shine
And do well to not frown
And to not even let out a whine
Though in sorrow I drown.
I leave the shower
My wounds to lick.
In my own space cower
Pain in my heart does stick.
I am now alone
I lay here and cry.
In agony I moan
And in misery I sigh.
I really am a lousy friend.
For how can I feel sad?
How can I make amends
and tell you why I am bad?
No more baby showers for me
I cannot do this
To much pain for this to be
For me there is no bliss.
My arms do so ache
For the babies that are mine.
How much more pain can I take?
How much longer will I pine?
Can anyone understand
What I truly am?
A mother in no man's land
Whose tears have broke the dam.
A mother who misses
Her children each day.
I miss thier kisses,
Their bedlam and fun way.
Why can I not heal?
Why must agony sear
And my fate and theirs seal
For this I do fear.
I thought I was doing good
But as you can see
This pain gets me where I stood
And still gets the best of me.
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