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Monoku Monday - Mar 2021

"Holy Humor"    Posted 1 Mar 2021

if you need an ark to save two of each animal      i Noah guy

creating Eve was the first known example      of splitting the Adam

fastest sinner in the Bible?       Moses broke 10 commandments at once

first tennis player in the Bible?      Joseph - he served in Pharaoh's court

loudest motorcycle?      Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land

they say that before Boaz got married      the guy was Ruthless

[humor attribution - all humor was found online, sources unknown]


"This Wonderful Workplace"    Posted 8 Mar 2021

i'm not an underachiever      my boss is an overexpecter

if you wanted it yesterday      you should have asked for it tomorrow

everyone brings joy to my office      some when they come, some when they go

i deserve Oscars       for all those times i've feigned interest in meetings

just had a 4-hour meeting      on improving productivity

working hard has never killed a single person      but why take the chance? 

[humor attribution - #6 by Edgar Bergen, all others found online, source unknown]


"Random Brain Guano, part 2"    Posted 15 Mar 2021

it's easy to buy clothing for fortune tellers      they're all mediums

Orion's belt is a huge waist of space      (silly joke - only 3 stars)

my friend fell into an upholstery machine      he's recovered now

so is it good or bad      to own a vacuum cleaner that really sucks?

when you get a run in your stocking and have no spare      you're kind of hosed

the only living producers of dragon milk      are short legged cows

[humor attribution: #1-3 found online, sources unknown; #4-6 by Edmo Snord]


"Just Asking, part 2"    Posted 22 Mar 2021

if nothing sticks to Teflon     then how does Teflon stay stuck to the pan?

why do we call them 'apartments'?     shouldn't they be called 'togetherments'?

somebody at the airport asked,      "how do I get off a non-stop flight?"

doesn't it seem rather cruel that the word "lisp"      has an "s" in it?

why do we call the time of day with super slow traffic      'rush hour'?

what would the world be like      without hypothetical situations?

[humor attribution - all humor found online, sources unknown]


"Steven Wright edition, part 2"    Posted 29 Mar 2021

i spent yesterday trying to daydream      but my mind kept wandering

everywhere is within walking distance       if you have enough spare time

if anybody here has telekinetic powers      raise my hand

experience is something you don’t get       until after you need it

when they asked George Washington for ID      did he whip out a quarter?

the check-out sign said "eight items or less"      so I changed my name to Les

at the grocery store I saw a sign that said "pet supplies"      so I did



[humor attribution - all humor courtesy of Steven Wright]

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Gershon Wolf Date: 3/8/2021 4:03:00 PM I Noah guy... and Ruthless... Absolutely classic. This one's a FAVE, John! :) gw Login to Reply John Watt Date: 3/9/2021 2:29:00 PM Thanks Gershon, I hope I have not been sacrilegious by finding humor in the sacred. I'm so glad you enjoyed ~ 4th John

Andrea Dietrich Date: 3/6/2021 9:30:00 AM Hey, John. So sorry I did not see these sooner. It's been an unbelievably busy week. Did you get my emails about trying Ketamine for my problems and other things? I have Natalyn here with me and need to leave shortly. Again I will not be able to do Soup comments. OH MY. anyway, thanks for your visits to my poems this week. always love your Monday humor. Login to Reply John Watt Date: 3/9/2021 2:30:00 PM Hi Andrea, I'm sorry if I didn't respond. I hope you had a good time with Natalyn. Tell her we miss her here at PS. I wonder if she is still writing?

Beata Agustin Date: 3/3/2021 4:08:00 AM Thanks for sharing these... may I add one? The first soda drink in the Bible --- "Habakcoke." God bless you. Login to Reply John Watt Date: 3/3/2021 12:21:00 PM I haven't heard that one before, Beata. Thanks for adding it to the list. Blessings to you ~ John

Sam Kauffman Date: 3/1/2021 5:05:00 PM Holy smoke! Holy Cow! Holy Guacamole! Holy Monday! Delightful beyond delightful! Baseball season must have started and nudged your wonderful sense of humor! Holy blessings my friend but no hole-ly shoes, cheese or cleats! These are "wholly" delightful! Login to Reply John Watt Date: 3/1/2021 5:27:00 PM Wait a minute now, I happen to like holey cheese! But I agree about the shoes and socks... much better without holes. Thanks for sharing the delight, friend! Blessings to you ~ John

Ilene Bauer Date: 3/1/2021 1:06:00 PM thanks for these, john! much appreciated! Login to Reply John Watt Date: 3/1/2021 2:16:00 PM i'm glad to contribute to the society for improving mondays, ilene!

Alexis Y. Date: 3/1/2021 1:04:00 PM Hi John, These are hilarious. I echo what Tom said because I feel the same way. Thanks. Have a wonderful day my friend:-) Alexis Login to Reply John Watt Date: 3/1/2021 2:15:00 PM Thank you for dropping by so consistently, Alexis. Hope your Monday is a good one!

Jan Allison Date: 3/1/2021 11:55:00 AM oh these are so funny John thanks for the giggle:-) hugs jan xx Login to Reply John Watt Date: 3/1/2021 12:04:00 PM Glad you got some giggles out of these, Jan. I've been hearing jokes like these since I was a wee lad in Sunday School. Enjoy your Monday and have a great week, my friend! Hugs ~ John

Tom Cunningham Date: 3/1/2021 11:28:00 AM Brilliant John, every one a gem. Our Mondays wouldn't be complete without these, humour to kickstart the week. Hope you're well Tom Login to Reply John Watt Date: 3/1/2021 12:02:00 PM Thank you Tom, you're such a kind soul to visit so often. Sorry these got a late start; usually I post before bed, but didn't remember until I woke up today. Glad it made it to you before your Monday ended! Enjoy your week ~ John