Money Over Love

After 11 years You called When I was in a different city Couldn’t stand All the drinks I had with dinner Or a stranger calling me pretty You started calling At 3am Whispering your feelings That you loved me And wanted to help me Get some healing From a past lover Who would rather tour Than help me raise a daughter But in reality To your own You’re also an absent father Once I got home The effort Just vanished My phone Sat silent all day And it left me famished My insecurities Started fighting your actions Flirting with others Then complimenting My poetry as a distraction I felt lost Anxious Embarrassed For being open Thinking it would Make your feelings more apparent But you said No one can know About us While you end a call With “I love you” Like I’m just supposed to adjust Adjust to the situation Without ever questioning What anything means Just give you my wallet When you call Like I was a machine Like an old bolt I couldn’t hold it Together anymore I fell apart Feeling the deception Right in my core In tears I told you I was done Described my pain And you laughed Like you finally won Like you were on A pedestal With a smirk all proud Like you could Replace me in a heart beat With the size of your crowd I hung up And sat in the tub For hours Thinking about What I should’ve said While drowning all the flowers It helped But the ache Still remains I try to Ignore it But all those memories Are chained to my brain I now think of future lovers With worry And uneasiness With self esteem Forever gutted From your greediness