Money Over Love

After 11 years 
You called 
When I was in a different city 

Couldn’t stand 
All the drinks I had with dinner 
Or a stranger calling me pretty 

You started calling
At 3am 
Whispering your feelings 

That you loved me 
And wanted to help me 
Get some healing 

From a past lover 
Who would rather tour 
Than help me raise a daughter 

But in reality 
To your own 
You’re also an absent father 

Once I got home
The effort 
Just vanished 

My phone 
Sat silent all day 
And it left me famished 

My insecurities 
Started fighting 
your actions 

Flirting with others 
Then complimenting
My poetry as a distraction 

I felt lost 
Anxious  
Embarrassed 

For being open 
Thinking it would 
Make your feelings more apparent 

But you said 
No one can know 
About us 

While you end a call 
With “I love you” 
Like I’m just supposed to adjust 

Adjust to the situation
Without ever questioning 
What anything means 

Just give you my wallet 
When you call
Like I was a machine 

Like an old bolt
I couldn’t hold it 
Together anymore 

I fell apart 
Feeling the deception 
Right in my core 

In tears 
I told you 
I was done 

Described my pain 
And you laughed 
Like you finally won 

Like you were on 
A pedestal 
With a smirk all proud 

Like you could 
Replace me in a heart beat 
With the size of your crowd 

I hung up 
And sat in the tub
For hours 

Thinking about 
What I should’ve said 
While drowning all the flowers 

It helped 
But the ache 
Still remains 

I try to Ignore it
But all those memories 
Are chained to my brain 

I now think of future lovers 
With worry
And uneasiness 

With self esteem 
Forever gutted 
From your greediness
Copyright © | Year Posted 2022

Poem

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