Money Over Love
After 11 years
You called
When I was in a different city
Couldn’t stand
All the drinks I had with dinner
Or a stranger calling me pretty
You started calling
At 3am
Whispering your feelings
That you loved me
And wanted to help me
Get some healing
From a past lover
Who would rather tour
Than help me raise a daughter
But in reality
To your own
You’re also an absent father
Once I got home
The effort
Just vanished
My phone
Sat silent all day
And it left me famished
My insecurities
Started fighting
your actions
Flirting with others
Then complimenting
My poetry as a distraction
I felt lost
Anxious
Embarrassed
For being open
Thinking it would
Make your feelings more apparent
But you said
No one can know
About us
While you end a call
With “I love you”
Like I’m just supposed to adjust
Adjust to the situation
Without ever questioning
What anything means
Just give you my wallet
When you call
Like I was a machine
Like an old bolt
I couldn’t hold it
Together anymore
I fell apart
Feeling the deception
Right in my core
In tears
I told you
I was done
Described my pain
And you laughed
Like you finally won
Like you were on
A pedestal
With a smirk all proud
Like you could
Replace me in a heart beat
With the size of your crowd
I hung up
And sat in the tub
For hours
Thinking about
What I should’ve said
While drowning all the flowers
It helped
But the ache
Still remains
I try to Ignore it
But all those memories
Are chained to my brain
I now think of future lovers
With worry
And uneasiness
With self esteem
Forever gutted
From your greediness
Copyright © Ali Lynn | Year Posted 2022
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