Misery + Ecstasy

"my ecstasy is my misery," and she swallowed the pill, counting the minutes that separated their difference: misery and ecstasy, walking hand-in-hand through the rut in the valley of denial, drowning so deep in waves of blurred stimulation; hopeless, her nerves crack, rushing past the speed of pain, only to slide through her fingertips back onto another pill that, yet again, she clutches like a sleepless lover in the glow of capsules and a blacklit agony; her heart beats erratically- a prisoner waiting to break free from its cage, and feel life, smoothly coursing through her veins, as she swallows- her pulse spikes and eyes roll back to a place of no thought; no judgment to measure just what she's living for, looking for, or why - a fairytale land of neon greens and electric emotion a place where she's alone just enough to be comfortable in a room full of dead light and decaying relationships; she turns her back, knowing she'll be stabbed, bound, tied and gagged. but this way, no one will notice her eyes rolling head lolling back, moving to the violent heartbeat- stifling her mumbled pleas of lonely syllables not a soul will hear - "please, just bring me back"