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Mine psyche riddled with dybbuk

Mine psyche riddled with dybbuk Thru emerging adulthood awareness awoke within noggin of average baby boomer bloke catastrophization toward risk taking I evoke positive growth experiences throughout vast number of orbitz around sun never kickstarted, nor linkedin with potential livingsocial folk, thus omniscient cosmic consciousness I invoke diametrically contradicting atheism haint no joke where self important fulsome mortals indistinguishable among bobbing flotsam and jetsam squarely sponging precious resources off the pants courtesy Mother Earth heartily rooted in narcissistic strength, whenever necessary razing mighty oak destroying other flora unwittingly insidious effects industrial revolutions triggered global warming and abomination, brutalization, cannibalization demolition, eradication, ruination... on the upside twenty first century environmental activism did provoke. Courtesy solitude yours truly proffers poetic obscurantist blatherskite discombobulated clishmaclaver will delight expressing how me courage didst take fright puncturing since boyhood head to toe height housing crotchety, fidgety, impiety bent knight impossible mission to summon bravado might thus, I figuratively slunk within analogous shell (think “Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater nursery rhyme”) avoiding testing comfortable autozone outright trumpeting unconvincing lame duck excuse quite - begetting, drafting, fielding, heralding, jump- starting, loosing, notching another psychological mischievous sprite. I submissively succumbed opportunistically, meekly, heroically, and dutifully attest to surrender once plagued narcissistic self to beastly merciless beck and call behest all the while actualizing, envisioning, and imagining outlook as if afflicted with dissociative identity disorder, whereby manifested spirit housed in my chest spontaneously showing up as unwanted guest. Twas deadly scourge of one obsessive/compulsive disorder anorexia nervosa absent bulimia - nadir of onset sans quasi schizoid behavior, which agonizingly slow suicide by self starvation mailer daemon maelstrom within mine psyche, when yours truly prepubescent lad (particularly devastating to immediate family members) as emaciation pitted existential revulsion from unseen wuthering heights nearly wrung death knell annihilating me fragile entity with peremptory imprimatur yielding covalent bond to death readily obvious to kith and kin via zorro like signature per profound perilous depressive psychological state. Now - at about one score plus seventeen years from attaining rank of centenarian perfect 20/20 hindsight offers supreme advantage from said aforementioned psychological crisis within mind of yours truly middle aged progeny and sole sol mine father and mother respectively hypothesizing numerous educated guesses why he willfully hurtled his flesh at light speed down the abyss toward his demise. Literal and physical lightness of being manifested within nooks and crannies prior to full blown symptoms to eliminate sustenance drawing the curtain on brief residence way before high noon of life metamorphosis from boyhood into man found solace in attempting to keep derrière at half moon bay natural cycle which transformation grieved me to pine for nostalgic childhood’s end, (albeit one fraught with romanticism) vengefully interpreted attempt to halt dead in the tracks intervention of mother, whose nursing experience helped fend off passive attempt to promulgate passive silent plan to fruition. She whipped various nutritious concoctions in the blender to ensure minimal essentials to this (I readily admit) famished body in conjunction with applying vital supplements into one or the other bony gluteus maximus thru fuel injection, which submissiveness to acquiesce and bare my buttocks did absolute zero banishment to squelch death wish. I inexorably overcame eating disorder to cease going on deadly hunger strike, which essentially constituted a declaration of independent control despite horrendous deprivation regarding voracious craving for food stuffing innards like a pike bifurcated psychic division to live ousted coeval death wish sans goal seize yore per reminiscence of blissful childhood over-flooded self made dike engendering propensity to catapult over abysmal emotional hole and way before the invention of facebook, I mentally clicked like mental health to fight the mailer daemons that part of me healthy development stole.

Copyright © | Year Posted 2022

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