Cindi Rockwell Poet Free verse

Mental Illness

No one understands you, not even you yourself.
Trapped in a cage that only you can see
The combination lock rusted shut since
You gambled away the secret numbers for some fairy dust . . . and a handful of beans.

I can't hate you for it, it is your cancer
You didn't ask for it, never wanted it, but it's yours, and so it is mine.
You can't escape those invisible bars and I can't avoid them!
I bump into them at every turn, until I am exhausted, bruised and defeated.

Sometimes you tell me that you are getting better.
You know this because you have more room to move within the boundaries of your cage.
At those times I am sad, because you cannot see the truth.
You have more room because you are shrinking -- the cage is as confiningly sturdy as ever.

I hate what this disease has done to you.
Even more, I hate what your enablers have allowed you to believe.
It is a disease, and until you recognize that and admit it,
We are all running on the same destinationless hamster wheel.

This is not a game of Normalopoly,
Driving your silver car in hopes of avoiding going to therapy without passing Go.
This is real life and those around you, like me, are tiring of this prison.
You say it might be better if you were dead, but we are the ones who long for a finish line, at any cost.

You are sick, but we all suffer the consequences of your disease.
None of us can live until you choose to show your cage to those who can help.
You claim you hate your disease and its shackles,
But we are in the straight jackets wishing for release -- even death.

I love you. I hate your disease.
I love seeing the real you, but that is fading away.
I long for you to have a quality life, one without that cursed cage of fear
But until you open the door, neither of us will be free.


Written 2/24/2016

Any Poem You Ever Wrote NOT For A Contest - Poetry Contest


*This was written solely from my frustrartion. A few days later a contest it fit popped up. I entered it. The contest was never judged and I believe never will be so I feel us ticked entering this contest.

♡Like0

Share Poem

---

Post Comments

Poetrysoup is an environment of encouragement and growth so only provide specific positive comments that indicate what you appreciate about the poem. Negative comments will result your account being banned.

Please Login to post a comment

John Michaels November 26, 2023 at 5:10 AM A powerful write, Cindi. The impact of diseases of the mind are as frustrating as they are tragic, devastating to friends and family as much as to the afflicted. A shame your contest entry was never judged; it's a win in my books! Regards, John.

Julie Clark April 27, 2016 at 12:33 AM mmm interesting viewpoint very good poem i have a friend with mental illness and i to have affected by it and it is a cage. like your descriptive words very picturesque

James Inman March 3, 2016 at 8:36 AM Sad, I've known more than my share of people with deep emotional issues. Nice write Cindi. Cindi Rockwell March 3, 2016 at 10:56 AM Thank you.

Andrea Dietrich February 25, 2016 at 8:49 PM I really enjoyed reading your poem. It's always so interesting to see how people feel about living in this situation.

Andrea Dietrich February 25, 2016 at 8:48 PM Cindi, I kind of relate. My dad was schizophrenic and my hubbie has had major bouts with depression and anxiety. I never lived with my dad past age 5 but his illness affected four wives and the last one is hanging on being a martyr for him. If the person is unwilling to do what he can, I think we eventually have to move on. They cannot be allowed to ruin others' lives. I hope this person is not someone you are enduring if they are not trying to get help. Anyway, good luck with your situation. Cindi Rockwell February 25, 2016 at 9:14 PM It's actually my sister-in-law and her parents "protected" her from acknowledging her illness for her 53 years. Now dad is dead, mom dying, and SSI won't give her benefits because despite docs and us confirming all her problems, including inpatient stays for suicidal tendencies, she told judge she was fine. No where for her to go with no income.

Cynthia Buhain-Baello February 24, 2016 at 8:18 PM A very moving and gripping poem on mental illness, very intensely profound. It is hard when it afflicts a loved one. Cindi Rockwell February 24, 2016 at 8:56 PM Thank you. Hard to understand unless you live with it. Feels like I'm the one that needs the therapy!