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Melancholy Memory

Hundreds of eyes saw the sacrifice you'd made Back from the eon days, the anguish You let them stamp you by words and harmful deeds They mocked you totally by fullest I recalled the last, the last word that you said "Mom is here loving you" with a smile Opening your fist It made us in trouble We all hugged you tightly with deep cry! Nothing more to say but giving thanks for you The days that you were here God blessed you! 5-6-6-3 SYLLABLES

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Mustapha Mohammed

Date: 8/28/2013 6:48:00 PM

Your poem is lovely and I especially like how heartfelt and relaxing your words are while perusing. Well crafted! Merci

Debbie Duncan

Date: 7/10/2013 12:20:00 AM

I do like the rhythm and the words of this poem. Nicely done ;}

Richard Lamoureux

Date: 5/24/2013 7:21:00 AM

I like the pattern and was moved by the sadness as well as the underlying celebration of life and the appreciation for the time that was granted.

Elai Cee
Date: 5/24/2013 9:11:00 AM

hey Richard, i intentionally made this to indirect who's died here... with a mystery slot here...

Richard Lamoureux
Date: 5/24/2013 7:23:00 AM

I am not fully sure who the person is who died. When I first read it I thought it was your dad but on re reading it could also be a sibling.

Andrea Dietrich

Date: 5/11/2013 1:10:00 AM

It's mostly good, sweetie. Looking at what you wrote asking us for help. One suggestion I'd give you is when you say "keep me cry" it doesn't work because we say "keep me crying" So to fix that, maybe you could say "I'm crying" what do you think?

Elai Cee
Date: 5/20/2013 3:18:00 AM

hi Andrea, I think it so too.. but there's a pattern here.. 5/6/6/3 syllables so i decided to change the words here...thanks u

Elai Cee

Date: 5/11/2013 12:11:00 AM

Hi poets! Help me to improve and make my poem beautiful by giving your comments and suggestions. This is included by the Melancholy Memory Free Poetry Contest.---keep smiling, Elai