Elai Cee Poet Free verse

Melancholy Memory

Hundreds of eyes saw
                                 the sacrifice you'd made
                                    Back from the eon days, 
                                          the anguish

                                    You let them stamp you
                                 by words and harmful deeds
                                    They mocked you totally 
                                           by fullest

                                       I recalled the last, 
                                  the last word that you said
                                     "Mom is here loving you" 
                                          with a smile

                                       Opening your fist
                                     It made us in trouble
                                    We all hugged you tightly
                                           with deep cry!

                                     Nothing more to say
                                 but giving thanks for you
                                  The days that you were here
                                         God blessed you!


                          
                                        5-6-6-3 SYLLABLES

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Mustapha Mohammed August 28, 2013 at 6:48 PM Your poem is lovely and I especially like how heartfelt and relaxing your words are while perusing. Well crafted! Merci

Debbie Duncan July 10, 2013 at 12:20 AM I do like the rhythm and the words of this poem. Nicely done ;}

Richard Lamoureux May 24, 2013 at 7:21 AM I like the pattern and was moved by the sadness as well as the underlying celebration of life and the appreciation for the time that was granted. Elai Cee May 24, 2013 at 9:11 AM hey Richard, i intentionally made this to indirect who's died here... with a mystery slot here... Richard Lamoureux May 24, 2013 at 7:23 AM I am not fully sure who the person is who died. When I first read it I thought it was your dad but on re reading it could also be a sibling.

Andrea Dietrich May 11, 2013 at 1:10 AM It's mostly good, sweetie. Looking at what you wrote asking us for help. One suggestion I'd give you is when you say "keep me cry" it doesn't work because we say "keep me crying" So to fix that, maybe you could say "I'm crying" what do you think? Elai Cee May 20, 2013 at 3:18 AM hi Andrea, I think it so too.. but there's a pattern here.. 5/6/6/3 syllables so i decided to change the words here...thanks u

Elai Cee May 11, 2013 at 12:11 AM Hi poets! Help me to improve and make my poem beautiful by giving your comments and suggestions. This is included by the Melancholy Memory Free Poetry Contest.---keep smiling, Elai