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I made myself believe, I was happy
     but I lied.
I went form day to day and smiled,
     yet, inside I cried.
My dreams faded every year,
     still I had hope.
Convinced that I had a nomal life,
     I found a way to cope.
Trying to fix things for everyone else,
     I could do.
Caring about myself was always last,
     I didn't need to.
I never realized what I gave up,
     free will, hidden inside.
So afraid of hurting and disappointing,
     I had to hide.
Words of anger, hostility, and blame,
     caused me pain.
Fantasy broken, I don't care anymore,
     I want myself again.

Copyright © | Year Posted 2009

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Date: 11/9/2010 9:58:00 AM
This was written during a very dark period of my life. It was only through Gods grace that I "found", myself. I can also see a difference between the time periods in my writing.
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Date: 11/9/2010 3:36:00 AM
"I made myself believe" oh, Karla how many times have I done that also, I truly hope you found yourself again in poetry and I think you have because you have a gift and thanks for commenting on my poetry~~
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Date: 9/4/2009 9:24:00 AM
Awesome writing here, Karla. Welcome to PoetrySoup. I saw your comment on my writing and realized I had never read any of yours ... ooops ... there are tooooooo many folks here at the Soup ... LOL ... We have a saying in A.A. on brass coins given out for sobriety dates that fits this write: To Thine Own Self Be True ... smile
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Date: 7/3/2009 4:42:00 AM
Karla, Loving yourself is the first step to really helping others with genuine love. There's an old saying, "...If mama ain't happy, nobody's happy..." Now that you have learned to put yourself first, you will become happier. Then, others will feel your love-rays! Congratulations on having your poem featured this week. It is a very touching write. Lovingly, Dane
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Date: 7/2/2009 8:53:00 PM
One of the best and most honest poems I have read on this site.
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Date: 6/29/2009 3:52:00 AM
Congratulations on your featured poem this week. May you have many more. Love, Carol
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Date: 6/29/2009 12:10:00 AM
Lovely penned poem Karla. Take care and congratulations. I have also a featured poem this week. Ernilando
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Date: 6/20/2009 6:26:00 PM
I hope you find yourself again Karla, nice poem & a warm welcome to the Soup>>James
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