peanut peanut Poet Free verse

Maturing

What is maturing?

Is it the car you drive home in and not the gate you wait by?

Is it the movie you’ve rewatched a thousand times
only now realizing the villains were never born bad?

Is it swapping out yellow and pink for white and black?
yellow is fun, pink is cute
the colors and your suit don’t match

Is it reading newspapers instead of story books?
the stories were never real anyway
don’t waste your time on imagination
it’s not going on your résumé

Is it learning when to speak up and when to keep your mouth shut?
it’s called manners, seeming to make them ever so happy
the louder they laugh the lower your head sinks

Is it swallowing the tears you used to let out for a piece of candy?
suffocating, water levels rising
eyes dry, but the river inside is bleeding

Is it deleting contacts from your phone because you no longer have time for them?
lie, you have time; you just don’t have the energy

Is it knowing that nostalgia is the only thing left from your childhood?
Canvases and paintbrushes replacing crayons and glitter
but the canvas is empty, your paintings are no good
because you can’t remember how your old bedroom looked

Is it giving up?
not your efforts, your dreams
you don’t have dreams anymore
only pieces flashing by as you sleep

Is it realizing that there is no living, only surviving?
my laughter is hollow, my smiles aren’t real
for I smile not because I want to but because I must
wanting is a luxury for those who live

But like I said, I am a survivor
and I say this without pride

Because if this is what maturing looks like
I want to be the most childish person alive

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