Man Walks Into a Bar With a Bear and An Elephant
A man walked into a bar one night,
he was with a bear and an elephant
and they looked like they were spoiling for a fight
'Anyone got a problem with us?'
The man asked,
knowing, of course
no one in their right mind would dare raise a fuss
I mean, man, a bear's pretty scary,
but an elephant and a bear,
well, that's just huge, mean and hairy
They ordered three beers
and some peanuts and honey,
then began to loudly ask the other patrons
for large sums of money
The bartender got nervous and started to worry;
so he comped them their order, in quite a big hurry
They sat in a corner,
enjoying nervous glances from the crowd,
drinking and eating and laughing real loud
They told off-colour jokes about
girls, bees and mice
some jokes were so funny, they told the same one twice
The elephant was drinking his beer from a bucket,
when the bear tipped over the table and shouted
'Aw man, **** it'
'C'mon let's kick us some ass,
Elmer, cause you know that's what we came for!'
So they got up from their seats
and waddled over to the dancefloor
The bear took the lead, as he'd had several fewer
and, besides, the elephant looked like he'd just fell in the sewer
He wobbled a bit, but steadied himself with his trunk,
y'know, even an elephant needs assistance,
sometimes when he gets really drunk
The bear stood on his hind legs and raised himself to full height,
then he made like a boxer and asked 'Okay, who wants to fight?'
The people had panicked when they heard the bear swear,
now they jumped from their tables and ran for the door, on a tear
The bar quickly emptied as the people ran out
and the bear began to laugh,
shooting a shower of beer straight from his snout
The elephant trumpeted, he stomped and he shook,
he said to the bear, 'what a bunch of cowards.... was that all that it took?'
Soon, the bar was quite empty
except for the three,
going round to each table
and drinking what was left there, for free
So next time you're in a bar,
unless you're a bee, or maybe a mouse,
if you see a guy with a bear and an elephant,
you can bet they'll be having a round on the house
Copyright © David Brown | Year Posted 2014
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