Malapropisms and Mondegreens

One light, I was out panting the clown red when I met a Sadie from Francis who I found to be quiet subtractive. It was apparel she thought I was distracted two because she ted, “Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, ce soir?” To witch I supplied "You can let your coucher I due.”
Sew, we dove to a rotel and wented a womb and that’s where it all rent wong. I dimply could NOT maintain my direction! I even deported to taking two extra-length Niagras butt no lice! My ergo was scattered to say the piece, although she was quiet patent with me at second, basking, “Comment allez-vous, mon ami?” I dancered, "Not very bien, mon cherry, déjà vu?"
Swell cokes, let me sell ya, she was so beset and vivid it took a few momentums for her to apply. FINALITY she basked (In broken England) “Deja who? Who is Déjà and what the PLUCK has Vu got to do with the price of a flea on a panda in Angina?”
To take a short story long, she got it up, put her clothes back off and resorted, “Au revoir, tu salopard!”
"Salopardon madamit? Did you dust ball me a dastard?" She had the VERVE to say: ”If the necker shrinks, then bare it, and your pepper sure did slink and you better relieve THAT, you old pool!”
Whelp, I won’t go into any moor of the sorted retails here. Needles to hay, I will sever foreskin that incidental and will always dismember that humilitating tight
I depose one gives and sperms…


Translations:
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, ce soir? – Do you want to sleep with me tonight?
Comment allez-vous, mon ami? – How are you doing my friend?
Tres bein, et vous? -  Very good, and you?
Mon cher - My dear
Au revior, tu salopard – Goodbye, you bastard
Copyright © | Year Posted 2013

Poem

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Jerden Avatar
February 15, 2014 at 8:55 PM
Bone dew! Trey sheik! Love it! Kill damage! Wish I had read it sooner. Chers, Roi
A  Avatar
February 14, 2014 at 5:40 AM
oi, oi, what a poem. Tim, thanks for the early greet. I wrote my Houston poem for my hubby. all of a sudden he's claiming he loves me. After giving me 2 years of cold shoulder. I have no eyes for others, unless you're the milk man. lmfao. Take care & enjoy Valentine's Day with family and friends. :) ~SKAT"
Ryerson Avatar
February 14, 2014 at 6:35 AM
I AM the milkman, the one and only...Delivery gauranteed at your front step or your money back (You DO take checks don't you?)
Guzzi Avatar
December 30, 2013 at 2:26 PM
OMG that was fantastic, I couldn't do I really couldn't! Just wonderful should have been a number one hands down! Where are you? How are the holidays coming? Happy New Year! Light & Love
Mehta Avatar
December 29, 2013 at 4:41 AM
Enjoyed your poem and congratulations on the fine win,Tim
A   Avatar
December 28, 2013 at 9:23 PM
Tim, I enjoyed the poem, but did not smile much by the end... But it was an awesome poem... :) , CONGRATULATIONS, thank you for supporting my SMILE contest. :) Wishing you a Warm And Heartfelt New Year. Take care.... LINDA
Mehta Avatar
November 11, 2013 at 4:30 AM
Congratulations on the win, Tim
A  Avatar
November 10, 2013 at 9:29 PM
Tim... Congratulations, thanks for the support..... ~SKAT~ LOVE
Horne Avatar
July 27, 2013 at 2:53 PM
LOL, I'm still laughing as I write - congrats on all your wins, Tim : )
Chircop Avatar
July 27, 2013 at 5:45 AM
Hehehe..Merci mon ami..Tres jolie..C est la vie : )..Tu vas bien aujourd hui?Hope you re fine today..Lovely poem...Tim
Thomas Avatar
July 26, 2013 at 2:03 PM
Lmao.....very funny, almost sounds like a different language that hasnt been discoveredyet:) awesome.ty cherie..
Hendricks Avatar
July 26, 2013 at 9:10 AM
hahahaha. Geez, I can never finish a poem of yours in one go. Start-crack up-stop-start-crack up-stop. At least I've learnt not to have coffee while I'm reading you. lol. I have to wonder what's going on in your head. WELL DONE, FAVE POET MINE. Licia :-)
Tacito Avatar
July 26, 2013 at 9:08 AM
HAAAAAA! I'm hearing the dialects in my head and it's cracking me up! This was a damn joy to read!
Lamoureux Avatar
July 26, 2013 at 9:04 AM
Ha ha ha, this is cantastc, owed you cum up wit dis won?
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