'love Me'

I try not to think about it... ...By finding things to occupy my time. But just as someone asks me if everything is okay, I find the tears, once again, streaming down my red eyes. I'm demented... ...Deranged. I apologize. I don't mean to be this way. It's just that strong emotions have a mind of their own. They take over. That's the least that I could say. I long to be held. Ever so tightly through the night. Prevent pessimistic thoughts from overpowering my mind. To someone, I want to be worth the fight. Thoughts shatter. More so, discombobulated. Topsyturvy. Confused. Optimism is tainted. It could perhaps be the fear, That I have towards this life. Scared to live. Afraid to believe. Horrified to fly. Everything is final. No rough drafts. No time to practice. Just live, laugh, love, die. But what is love.? Where's my chance to laugh.? I'm just existing, As every aspect of hell becomes the past. Deteriorating before I discover peace. I need to start searching for the inner me. And what makes me believe that I'm not meant to be... ...Happy. Down the line, Everything will be just fine, Or so they say. It's all a mental process. Various emotions involved. Knocking everything off balance. However, I am used to the fall. They say that I shouldn't be used to failure. But really, do I deserve to smile.? I'm hurt. I'll heal. Although, I have heard that it may take a little while. Help me. Guide me. I'm asking you to be my guardian angel here on Earth. Use your kind heart, Sincerity, Love, To introduce me to my worth. Be a friend... ...To me... Whenever I need you to be. I'm lost. I feel as though I am rambling away. But only if you understood me, You would find the words to say... "I am here for you." ...And mean it. I'll make it through the struggle because within a "friend" I forseen it. Love me.