Love, Learn, Lose
The Ls are all mixed in together. You love. You lose. And you learn. Like the stages of grief, they intertwine and flow together. But you will always go through them all. While you learn who your partner is and what they like you slowly fall in love. You find out that they love comics and anime. You don’t really like either of those things but you try, try because you want to be able to talk to them about something they enjoy so much. But you end up losing a little because they don’t do the same. However, that doesn’t matter, they’re happy and because you’re the one making them happy that’s okay. You find that you love how their eyes light up when they talk about their latest interest. The little things they don’t notice they do makes you fall in love. Or even the things they don’t have control over. Like the way they eat as without their teeth touching the fork or spoon. You love and you learn.
But then you stop learning. At least you stop learning and loving. You learn that their kisses just don't feel the same. You learn that the conversation isn’t as flowing as it once was. That comfortable quiet isn’t so comfortable. You learn how cold their touch feels compared to before. You learn how much it hurts when you go to kiss them goodbye and they turn their head the other way. You learn you’re slowly starting to lose them.
Now at first it hurts. It hurts so much you can’t even look at them. Then a few weeks go by and the hate really starts to set it. You picture them hurting the way you hurt. But it doesn’t make you feel any better. Then a few more weeks go by and the sight of them doesn’t make your heart hurt anymore. But you still kinda want to punch them in the face with a car. But then another month goes by and you realize you don’t remember the last time you thought about them. You realize that after months of thinking you were over them, you finally ARE over them. The thought of them doesn’t bring homicidal thoughts.
You see her with someone else and just wish he treats her the way you would have.
I wish them everything that we are never going to be. I hope he never stops learning.
Copyright © Kay McKenzie | Year Posted 2020
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