Love Is Scary

i have always wondered how you were since first we met... you've been on my mind imagining the moments that we would spend ahead of time. i was scared, fearful of what could be knowing that the state am in is uneasy that my head wandering circles i didnt think i was ready. suffering from anxiety... running from the depression that could end me following this path so obscure i was afraid of the harsh reality i have always pushed people away thought it would be same for you it was scary.. because i care about you and for the first time i was sure of what i should do you lit me up, showed me a way although rocky i knew we would get there and for only a moment i felt safe controlled my anxiety and overcame the fear. i may sometimes come off as distant some could say even a little cold i dont mean to be i just wish sometimes, to be bold. i think of you everyday even though i dont say it daily i wish to lay by your side every night but am just holding on, just barely to the sanity of which i run from the common sense of being selfless know that you are as perfect as they come.. and i...i... i am a complete mess even though you say i am not i just cant keep the words you've told me you've said a million times, i dont listen you said that i can be whatever i want to be you've told me am amazing told me am beautiful and mesmerizing your sweet to say such incredible things but sometimes you come off as patronizing. why cant i believe the words you say i want to... but inside i cant see what you see all the beauty and splendor you gaze upon its... its just not me. i love you dearly and wish only the best for us but deep inside the fear controls my heart and in time the anxiety will hurt us if not then depression will drive us apart. i felt so whole around you my heart warm to the touch you made me feel alive again and i have never been the person to ask for much and although its settled now i am still fearful for each outcome am hoping that you keep showing me the way i no longer wish to run! here is where i want to be in your heart and mind i wish to stay and even though my words arent like yours sometimes i find just what to say. i love you deeply from since first we met and have thought of nothing else but you i can only hope that in time my love both our feelings remain as true.