Love Has Gone and Left Me

Love has gone and left me Yet the day continues on I wake to ruminations Plaguing me from dusk till dawn. ____________________________________ My feet now hit the carpet As I gather up my wits Rub my eyes and stretch my limbs And persevere if time permits. _____________________________________ I fill my day with chaos To relieve me of my thoughts Seek out others in a quest To rid my stomach of its knots. ______________________________________ Put my sadness on a shelf As I quietly reflect On the battle waged between My narcissistic intellect. _______________________________________ And the narrative I tell As I try to disengage From the darker musings haunting me While stuck inside my cage. ________________________________________ Brush my hair and then my teeth As the tears spill down my face Grab my breakfast and my keys Try to permit myself some grace. __________________________________________ And though I grasp onto this fear In a haze of secrecy Swap my angst for bad behavior In a frantic reverie. ___________________________________________ Of choices made in gaping Crevices of mania and such Preying on those who I love And depend upon so much. ___________________________________________ Head to work with the amygdala I lovingly unfold In a dance of fierce restraint Of big emotions I withold. ___________________________________________ From those I deem as lacking A mild and healing sympathy Abandon tact to pathologize My fears ignorantly. ___________________________________________ Without regard for how sincere Of all the efforts I procure In my divergence from the norms Of Autism that I endure. ___________________________________________ So I rant among the stanzas Holding me in their embrace Go about my day contending with The tortuous rat race. ___________________________________________ Curb my stims so I resemble Those society approves Fit into their puzzle pieces With behaviors that I choose. ___________________________________________ And these behaviors, I admit Fail to properly address Ruminations I acquire And the feelings I express. ___________________________________________ But I will ensure I fight So that my fears will dissipate Use my tools to manage symptoms That I constantly create. ___________________________________________ So that love will once again emerge Within the jaded crowd Be who I am and know That I can share my thoughts out loud.