Carrie Farrar | + Follow Poet |
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Love Has Gone and Left Me

Love has gone and left me

Yet the day continues on

I wake to ruminations

Plaguing me from dusk till dawn.

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My feet now hit the carpet

As I gather up my wits

Rub my eyes and stretch my limbs

And persevere if time permits.

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I fill my day with chaos

To relieve me of my thoughts

Seek out others in a quest

To rid my stomach of its knots.

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Put my sadness on a shelf

As I quietly reflect

On the battle waged between

My narcissistic intellect.

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And the narrative I tell

As I try to disengage 

From the darker musings haunting me

While stuck inside my cage.

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Brush my hair and then my teeth

As the tears spill down my face

Grab my breakfast and my keys

Try to permit myself some grace.

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And though I grasp onto this fear

In a haze of secrecy

Swap my angst for bad behavior

In a frantic reverie.

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Of choices made in gaping

Crevices of mania and such

Preying on those who I love

And depend upon so much.

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Head to work with the amygdala

I lovingly unfold

In a dance of fierce restraint 

Of big emotions I withold.

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From those I deem as lacking

A mild and healing sympathy

Abandon tact to pathologize 

My fears ignorantly. 

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Without regard for how sincere

Of all the efforts I procure

In my divergence from the norms

Of Autism that I endure.

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So I rant among the stanzas

Holding me in their embrace

Go about my day contending with

The tortuous rat race.

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Curb my stims so I resemble

Those society approves

Fit into their puzzle pieces

With behaviors that I choose.

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And these behaviors, I admit

Fail to properly address

Ruminations I acquire

And the feelings I express.

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But I will ensure I fight

So that my fears will dissipate

Use my tools to manage symptoms

That I constantly create.

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So that love will once again emerge 

Within the jaded crowd

Be who I am and know

That I can share my thoughts out loud.

Copyright © Carrie Farrar | Year Posted 2024

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