Lost Keys

I seem to have misplaced my keys Could you help me find them please? They’re not in the house, not in the car I’ve even looked in my guitar It’s as if they’ve gone, in a big black hole No, I don’t do parties where they go in a bowl. Would they, could they be with the remote? Nope just bloody found that in my coat. I’ve retrieved socks and toys, some hair ties too, I think I’m desperate, now my hands in the loo Maybe they might be, inside the cat Two ticks with a knife we’ll soon check that. I’ve just found my credit card, under the bed What was the wifes bra doing out in the shed? I must be suffering, from some mental block Oh what a dork I am, there they are in the lock Right I’m running late, time to leave home Now, just where did I, leave my phone?