Lost and Found

Im lost in this darkness this world of destruction my brother is not my brother and our mother loves us not running with many only a few with flashlights who will make it to the light as the night grows stronger I feel as if I'm weaker laughing with those who laugh at me and not with me we can not be friends because no one knows what that is anymore I can not love because I haven't felt it before I can not give you truth because no one showed me how, I can not care for you because Im careless for self i am running alone in this darkness with many running too some have flashlights but while running i open my eyes realizing it was never dark eyes wide shut is what my grandmother says find love in yourself child let pain and anger go i feel like I've been alone for a long time all the while god was with me the whole time, i gave my mind to the streets my body to those not deserving my heart to those who didn't need it, they came and gone ripping me into pieces i found comfort in sin with all the sinners but he saved me because I'm worth it to him GOD came into my room while i laid in the dark drugged up and drunk and he kissed me and said my child NO PAIN, I LOVE YOU EVEN THO YOU DONT LOVE YOU I HAVENT GIVEN YOU ANYTHING I DIDNT FEEL YOU COULD HANDLE, my mother killed herself, my husband was murdered in front of me what do i have to live for why not run threw darkness no one cares how i feel inside they take i give, YOU HAVE KNOWLEDGE USE IT, but it was a dream or was it i have opened my eyes wide open i feel i am loved i am worth it i am blessed!!!!!!