Lost

In you, I lost. I lost a lot. Somehow, in you, I lost you. I lost my virtue, my dignity, my sense of self. I lost everything I ever knew. My feelings were absent. My heart melted into oblivion. My smile vanished. The lights went out on my world. Everything was dark and gray. It always felt as if there were a hue over my life. I lost myself in loving you. That pain dug deeper than a knife. I sit and watch. Watch as the lights slowly flicker out of my life. Watch as your light grows brighter as your eyes land on her. How could I be so stupid? Of course it’s her, it’s always been her. She’s tall, with a perfectly proportioned face. Plump, perfect lips. Gorgeous hazel eyes. She’s perfect. Not fat, like me. She’s all he’s ever wanted. I get to sit here and watch. Watch as he grows attached. Watch as she breaks him. Piece by piece, I watch her slowly tear him apart. All I can think is, “You belong with me!” But he loves her. Hands touch, eyes meet… the whole world fades away from him. For me, it’s him. For him, it’s not me. It’s her. It’s always her. In loving him, I lost everything. A friend, a love, warmth, and… Myself.