Loss
“Loss”
I had such a beautiful house
that I ceaned to make myself real.
Such peace and quiet there,
shattering loneliness and no people
A deck which held my tinkling chimes…
sound so empty, it hurt.
Plenty of food to eat,
my brain starved, my heart starved
I thought I was in partnership
How could I have kidded myself?
We drove places together
So what?
Shared about the distance between
my sons and myself.?Did I even know who I was talking to?
Cold blustery winds outside
I couldn’t get warm inside for anything.
Because I existed there
did not make me loved or loving.
Talking about my sons
wasn’t bringing them any closer.
I made salads from beautiful ingredients
which did not mean I was a wife
I trusted with everything
an example of my having been an abused child
never understood boundaries
who was safe to share with or not…
So often I spoke of redemption
my words were cast off casually
I needed to make things right
It was as though I spoke of the weather.
My intention became to end my life
out of the frustration of being
in such a wrong place and so far away.
Even that became a comic joke.
Next door neighbors cherished one another
yet I was as alone as it gets
and could see no way back
to being my real self again
ever.
I didn’t know the difference
Just knew I was miserable
and wanted out…whatever it took
Copyright © Melody Sokolow | Year Posted 2014
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