Home » Poems » Tom Cunningham » Lockdown Humour

Lockdown Humour

TED

A cheating farmer called Teddy McClure
Thought that his wife knew but he wasn't sure
Oh boy she knew alright
Cos when he took a bite
Of his sandwich it contained pig manure... 

AMY

A flat chested girl called Amy Sparrow 
Went for a boob job down in Palermo
Now cant keep her back straight 
Because of the dead weight 
And she now has to use a wheelbarrow... 

FLYING HERD

Have you ever thought what if cows could fly 
Imagine ducking as a herd flew by
You'd have to wear a hard hat
Or risk being hit by a pat 
And goggles in case you're hit in the eye... 

THE LOVERS

Two lovers went in the woods all alone 
Lots of oohing and aahing and a moan
They're on Utube on show
And what they didn't know 
Someone filmed them from above with a drone... 

FRED DYER

Did you hear about poor Freddie Dyer 
Fell and mangled his manhood on barbed wire 
His bits they couldn't save
But opera fans rave
His falsetto singing in the choir...



Written 29th April 2020.

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Paul Callus

Date: 5/7/2020 8:50:00 AM

Absolutely hilarious, Tom:):) You are a natural Limerickeer (I dunno if that word exists lol!) Blast drones and barbed wire!! ~ Regards // paul

Tom Cunningham
Date: 5/7/2020 12:26:00 PM

Thank you Paul, glad you enjoyed them. Stay safe Tom

Sara Kendrick

Date: 5/7/2020 6:41:00 AM

Interesting work. Well, who doesn't need to laugh after is it 7 weeks stuck at home??? It looks like us elderly are stuck here even longer or maybe from now on to avoid an early death and I am 75 but my parents lived to be 96 years and 11 1/2 months for my dad and 96 years and 11 months for my mom. My mother's sister lived to be 98 years and 3 months. Sara

Tom Cunningham
Date: 5/7/2020 12:25:00 PM

Thank you Sara, wow, they all lived to a grand old age. Stay safe Tom

Charlie Smith

Date: 5/6/2020 1:48:00 PM

Sure enjoyed the distraction Tom, humor is the best medicine, thanks...

Tom Cunningham
Date: 5/6/2020 2:40:00 PM

Thank you Charlie, I fully agree, just what we need in these dark times. Tom

Jack Ellison

Date: 5/6/2020 8:19:00 AM

I am speechless Sir Thomas!!!! OOOOEEEE! You have out-limericked me! Congrats BIG TIME!

Tom Cunningham
Date: 5/6/2020 9:11:00 AM

Thank you Jack, thought you'd like them. Tom

Charles Messina

Date: 5/6/2020 5:23:00 AM

Always great to read your sense of humor, Tom. Love the lim's. Hope all is well my friend. Charlie

Tom Cunningham
Date: 5/6/2020 6:40:00 AM

Thank you Charlie, happy you enjoyed the humour. Stay safe. Tom

Richard Lamoureux

Date: 5/4/2020 9:24:00 AM

These are all great. What a terrific way to begin my day. ;0)

Tom Cunningham
Date: 5/4/2020 12:04:00 PM

Thanks Richard, glad you enjoyed them. Tom

Kim Rodrigues

Date: 5/4/2020 7:55:00 AM

These are very funny, Tom! You’ve outdone yourself! Thanks for the laugh!

Tom Cunningham
Date: 5/4/2020 12:03:00 PM

Thanks Kim, hope you're well. Tom

Regina Mcintosh

Date: 5/3/2020 5:31:00 AM

So cute. Always good to laugh and I believe God intended us to love, laugh and live with joy in the Lord. You stay safe and God bless you, Love, Gina

Tom Cunningham
Date: 5/3/2020 5:59:00 AM

Thank you very much Gina, I hope you're well. A bit of humour never goes amiss especially in these dark times. Stay safe Tom

Winged Warrior

Date: 5/2/2020 3:12:00 PM

Thanks for the laughs, Tommy...great limericks as usual...great medicine for the soul...best wishes...The Wingster :o)

Tom Cunningham
Date: 5/2/2020 3:16:00 PM

Thanks W. W. Glad you enjoyed them, humour helps in these dark times. Stay safe Tom

Jennifer Proxenos

Date: 5/2/2020 10:37:00 AM

HaHaHa - lovely, humorous and sharp my friend. Stay safe and well. Blessings, Jennifer.

Tom Cunningham
Date: 5/2/2020 1:06:00 PM

Thanks Jennifer, glad you enjoyed them. Tom

Andrea Dietrich

Date: 5/1/2020 2:56:00 PM

you are SO good at these, Tom. Wow, I especially liked Amy, the lovers and Fred Dyer (I too like to use the name Freddie for limericks!)

Tom Cunningham
Date: 5/1/2020 3:27:00 PM

Thanks Andrea, no disrespect to Freddies lol. Glad you enjoyed them. Tom

Harry Horsman

Date: 5/1/2020 12:17:00 AM

Oh Yes, if ever these wonders of yours were needed, Tom, it sure is right now,,Great fun, and thanks....

Tom Cunningham
Date: 5/1/2020 3:26:00 AM

Thank you Harry, we find ourselves in a situation we have no control over and humour is a great distraction, Tom

Kenneth Cheney

Date: 4/30/2020 3:29:00 PM

Great fun to read, although the last one was a bit painful. Ouch!

Tom Cunningham
Date: 4/30/2020 4:28:00 PM

Thanks Kenneth, on the bright side he went on to have a successful career in the choir lol. Tom

Silent One

Date: 4/30/2020 1:37:00 PM

Ha...You are getting very good at these...Hope you are well and safe my friend.

Silent One
Date: 4/30/2020 4:08:00 PM

We are no where near second stage as we are still on the first. Boris was badly advised and has to sack those advisors. We will have second highest death rate soon and that is very very sad

Tom Cunningham
Date: 4/30/2020 2:36:00 PM

Thanks S. O., humour helps in these dark times. All good here, hope you are too, sleeping better now Boris is back (lol). Just saw more cases emerged in Italy, I hope to god there won't be a second wave. But we'll be ready, surely? Tom

Sandra Adams

Date: 4/30/2020 9:15:00 AM

lol... thanks for the pick me up humor contained in your limericks, loved them all!!!... guess with drones people have to be more careful :) have a great day! hugs

Tom Cunningham
Date: 4/30/2020 9:18:00 AM

Thank you Sandra, we all need a bit of humour at the moment. Hope alls well. Tom

Caren Krutsinger

Date: 4/30/2020 7:45:00 AM

I read one after another, smiling all along the way, Tom. Good show!

Tom Cunningham
Date: 4/30/2020 8:57:00 AM

Thanks Caren , Happy you enjoyed them, Stay safe. Tom

Demetrios Trifiatis

Date: 4/30/2020 6:42:00 AM

And the Oscar of Limericks goes to the Beethoven of Limericks: Tom Cunningham! Superb humor! Can't stop laughing! Bless you my friend!

Tom Cunningham
Date: 4/30/2020 8:55:00 AM

Thank you Demetrious , thought humour was needed with all this gloom about, glad you enjoyed them. Tom

Eve Roper

Date: 4/29/2020 10:38:00 PM

Thank you for the humor, Tom, you reminded me of a comment my husband use to tell me, " I'd rather fix my own lunch-pail, I know when I open it I'll be able to eat it what is inside instead of being surprised." I won't say no more:)

Tom Cunningham
Date: 4/30/2020 8:54:00 AM

Haha , He was a wise man for sure Eve, happy you enjoyed them . Tom

Gershon Wolf

Date: 4/29/2020 9:46:00 PM

The master has returned!!! Really a great batch!! Love the first three especially! … 'Pig manure:' GAWD! Smiles, Gershon

Tom Cunningham
Date: 4/30/2020 8:53:00 AM

Thank you Gershon, I thought they'd make you smile. Tom

Lindsay Laurie

Date: 4/29/2020 8:40:00 PM

G'day Tom … what a great set of humorous limericks. They've curtained up the gloomy weather we're stuck with until Monday, and boy, don't we need something to make us laugh - stay safe Tom - Lindsay

Tom Cunningham
Date: 4/30/2020 8:52:00 AM

Thank you Lindsay, humour will see us through for sure. Hope alls well Tom

Darlene De Beaulieu

Date: 4/29/2020 5:51:00 PM

Hello Tom, these limericks have made my evening brighter. Thank you for the laughter. My evening is brighter. Enjoy your evening my friend.

Tom Cunningham
Date: 4/29/2020 6:27:00 PM

Thanks Darlene, glad that you enjoyed the humour. Hope you're well. Tom

Judy Ball

Date: 4/29/2020 3:58:00 PM

HaHaHa Words To The Wise 1) Never make the cook mad 2) If you're thinking about a boob job take a good look at a picture of Dolly Parton 3) When cows sprout wings look out 4) In the age of high technology there jest ain't no privacy nowhere 5) Stay away from barb wire fences they were put up for a reason Loved this Tom. God Bless and stay well JB

Tom Cunningham
Date: 4/29/2020 5:32:00 PM

Haha loved the breakdown Judy and happy I gave you a laugh. Stay safe Tom

Vijay Pandit

Date: 4/29/2020 3:45:00 PM

Hilarious as always Tom--loved them all! Much needed laugh in theses difficult times. I vote this for poem of the day.

Tom Cunningham
Date: 4/29/2020 5:31:00 PM

Thanks Vijay, I'm happy they gave you a laugh. Hope alls well. Tom

Panagiota Romios

Date: 4/29/2020 3:39:00 PM

Added joy to my tummy after lunch! As you know, I am not living in dark times. All I have to do is live this 24 hours. The Grim Reaper is not a pal I want to hang with, nor be fearful of. The sun is out, flowers are in bloom and God runs this planet. You are an unbridled and talented wit.I loved them all) Panagiota xx

Tom Cunningham
Date: 4/29/2020 5:30:00 PM

Thanks very much Panagiota, glad they cheered you up. Tom