Listen But Don'T Hear

I wish I could hear him when he tells me I'm beautiful. I wish I could hear him when he tells me he loves me. I wish I could feel the love he tries to give to me. But all my life people have told me one thing and done another. Their 'love' for me has only brought me pain. It's gotten to the point where I listen but I don't hear. I care but I don't love. I feel but with caution, never deep. I'll let you into my life, but not into my heart. I don't expect anything from anyone, sometimes I even expect the worst from people- that way I can't be disappointed. I can't feel the pain when they 'hurt' me. Sometimes I feel so numb. I want to feel. I want to remember what love is like, how it truly really feels. But I don't even know where to begin. Where do I begin?