Lifes a Gas

Life’s A Gas His wife ran away with his very best friend His poor dog got rabies and went round the bend So his wife and his dog and his best mate are gone He’s starting to think his life shouldn’t go on The thing is you see his best friend was his boss So his job has now vanished to add to his loss The mortgage unpaid and laundry unwashed He rents a damp room for his life has been coshed He went to the stove and he opened the door He turned all the knobs and he knelt on the floor His plan was to die but something then wrecked it The hob was all gas but the oven electric He choked back his sobs as he tried not to cry For he was too useless even to die He turned on the tv to check out the cricket And there on the stand was his lottery ticket He’s so blinking skint he don’t know why he’d done it He’d never win.... then..... BLIMEY, HE’D WON IT He checked the results and he checked them twice more He’d never be lonely or skint any more He had no champagne so he opened a beer The last value lager he’d ever drink here He’d no longer live in this dank, gloomy room Then he lit up a cigarette.... big mistake.... BOOM!