Letter to DOGE
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Dear Elon,
Keep up the good work, you’re the man! It’s so fun watching you and Donny drain the swamp. Give my best to the big fella and tell him thanks for fixing the border invasion. Amazing how a few executive orders can turn a deluge to a trickle overnight. More power to you both and let’s make tariffs great again.
I am writing to ask for a favour. When you and your team are finished at DOGE please can you send me Big Balls to do a deep dive probe of the jointly held bank accounts for me and my wife. The excessive waste and reckless spending is out of control (and I’m not talking about USAID here).
I have discovered large sums of monies transferred to untraceable accounts declared as charities and NGOs which bear and uncanny resemblance to hair salons, day spas, shoe stores and dating sites on encrypted apps. You know the ones, the sob story lotharios who ask for a bridging loan if you swipe right.
Also, any bank statements I receive from the wife are heavily redacted. I’m not accusing her of hiding anything but it does raise a red flag when I need a freedom of information request to access my own financial records.
Can you help?
I desperately need Big Balls.
Regards
Keith
Note: Big Balls is a 19 yo software engineer at DOGE doing a fantastic job.
Copyright © Keith D Trestrail | Year Posted 2025
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