Let's Just Pretend June Never Happened

When I was at my lowest You returned under the banner of friendship "Strictly friends" you told me, I agreed But you and I are both idiots if we believed it Am I selfish for wanting something? When the scars are this fresh When the memories still open the scabs Am I selfish for wanting relief? You say you're over everything The therapy worked, the meds are working You've built an empire of new promise A Falconia of purity and hope As a beacon of light, you've blinded me As a prophet of hope, you've led me to despair They say it's insane to remain friends And I think I've been given lucidity again Less then two days, and I'll strike the earth I've given all I am in this month I've fought so bitterly against despair And as I gazed at my foe, I became her Yet I hesitate to raise my blade Is it selfish to want something? If there's any possibility That harm will befall you? What has June given me the last seven years of my life? Loneliness, death, separation, fear, despair, hatred And now an aching longing That's turned my guts into soup What the hell has June ever represented to me Beyond a month of trying to survive? A grim reminder that my Falconia Is the amber that traps me and imprisons me So screw it, right? Let's pretend June never happened Let's pretend you stayed away from me like you promised Let's pretend that I wouldn't be just as miserable Bedridden again, just like before You're by my side, yet you've never been so far away I don't know what I'm wishing for anymore Wishing and dreaming stopped doing me good a long time ago My heart beats for you as strongly as it ever did And I'm prepared to strike the rope and sever us forever My heartbeat dulled before you ignited it again And I vastly preferred its slower pace In an effort to save myself From the grim despair that's haunted me for years I'll stake June in a gamble Offering my memories and the future that never was.