Lamenting Life Lost Before

Lamenting Life Lost Before... Last Rays Of Flickr Ring Candlelight Approximately a dozen orbitz around the Earth (since mcmlix), the year of my birth, an aversion (stayin alive) constricted self worth gripped (strong as strangling choke hold), where even to this day (January 25th, 2019) lx anniversaries marking birth emotions of ambivalence directed at me, and family of origin still career, within psyche of Matthew Scott Harris - less plain as day when prominent dearth of attentiveness, compassion, empathy, et cetera totally absent without leave, and dear father, (who art not thou in heaven yet) nsync with mother (long deceased) vividly evinced sole son lack of mirth (matter of fact gamut of all feelings except despair) vociferously ejaculated, viz non verbal communication as if...spark of life extinguished within mine shuttered hearth lacking necessity to eat plus, attend to personal care spelled disaster (even impossible for FEMA to aright) psychological illness offshoots infected, this entire body, asper blight dulling that preschool boy with his demeanor cheerily bright, a pallor of gloominess enshrouded this lad blocking, crushing, destroying... daylight additionally quashing will power to fight off thee mailer daemon, a deadly parasite lodged evil doppelganger fought tooth and nail being ostracized throve to truncate more'n foresight, considerably less self actualized versus present pained realization, plus violent bent evidenced by self starved inflicted suicide, not gunfight since parents opposed firearms, anyway no matter, cuz height of determination to perish (albeit passive) exhibited pathetic might effortlessly overwhelmed, since corporeal defeated essence i.e. emaciated flesh light as a feather defeated thru thine dada decreed diktat, and maternal instinctual millwright both sets of chromosomes helping beget, asper this scribe learning late less a frayed gripping ropes to play right.