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July 8, 2017 4:06 AM

i pile pillows high
on the right side of the bed
hoping that in the morning
you won't be in my head. 

and when i wake
and all these pillows are deflated 
i'll burrow deeper still
and think of all the times i've ever waited

for you to make a choice
and tell me so;
do i get to keep you,
or do i let you go?

like last summer
when we really first began,
you told me that you
could no longer hold my hand. 

"we argue too much"
that's what you said. 
a second time we've seen this place,
a second time i lay in bed. 

 maybe i will think about
late nights in your dark car
and our whispered nothings
that drove our love so far. 

perhaps the sweetened moments
when you fingers touched my bare skin. 
but while i still feel goosebumps,
all you feel is sin. 

most of all i will remember 
the small moments that you kept. 
i thought of these for long days after;
my heart and i both wept. 

from long-life plans
to squandered goals
hopefully when i wake
my heart will be half full

because you said forever
and it tore me apart, 
it hurt so bad
i swear i was dying,
when you told me that
you don't want
to love me anymore
as if our love was
a speed bump in your path 
to divine understanding
and acceptance 
but all the understanding in the world
cannot equate the loss
of your soul
next to my soul
on this long train ride
of hard labor and
tireless dreams
that keep me awake
when i should be next to you. 

 now your seat is empty,
 so is my bed,
and i am lucky to find you no longer 
saying i love you in my head. 

Copyright © | Year Posted 2017

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