Joy In the Morning

Love shouldn’t hurt, I’ve heard it many times before. If they truly love you, your feelings they won’t ignore. When you find someone you think really loves you, you’re not seeing the red flags; you have no clue. He said all the right words to win my heart. I should have known he was a liar right from the start. The signs were there: calls sent to voicemail and unanswered texts. The made-up excuses for staying “just friends” with his exes. I told him I couldn’t be with him because I didn’t share. I refuse to share my man nor myself because I care. He swore he loved me and only me; he didn’t want any other. I gave him a chance and then another and yet another. His cellphone was always on silent and never left his side. He had so many secrets he was trying to hide. I’ve always believed that what’s done in the dark will come to light. The cheating and his **** addiction were all done late in the night. For so long, I tried to ignore that feeling deep in my gut. I didn’t want to know the truth; I just kept my mouth shut. One day, I had to see with my own two eyes, the evidence was there; he was a cheater and full of lies. My heart broke into a million pieces; what I saw I couldn’t unsee. The hook-up sites, messages to men and women on **** sites, videos; it broke me. I couldn’t believe that I had been so clueless, trusting and loving him. My eyes filled with tears and I felt like my life had grown grim. How could he hurt me that way? I just couldn’t understand. All the lies he said, the gaslighting; it was more than I could stand. He asked me to forgive him and let him try to change. I forgave him and asked God to help our relationship rearrange. I tried to forget all the hurt and work on healing from the trauma. As time went on, I saw some improvement but still too much drama. I was still feeling sad and I had become depressed and withdrawn. I thought I could forgive it all, but the trust was gone. It didn’t take long for his old demons to resurface. All the lies and secrets were too much for me to process. He said I was crazy and he was tired of me. I made him miserable and he wanted to be free. He ran, just like he has his entire life. He had married his 3rd wife while he was still married to his 2nd wife. What kind of a man does things like that? A narcissist, a man with no heart…a RAT! I felt like a fool, I was once again used and discarded. My love and my deep feelings were disregarded. I was just another one of the many women he chose to use. Being with me, he had so much to gain and I had everything to lose. He’s moved on to fresh supply; leaving me to fix all he broke. Now he wants to be my friend…what a joke. I don’t need his friendship or anything he has to give. I just want to heal my heart and learn to live. Live my life and love those who love me too: God, my family, close friends; their love is true. This new journey, I didn’t choose, but I refuse to quit. God has a purpose for me and my life; I am going to live it. Each day I’m given, I will heal and trust God’s plan. I will continue to love with all my heart; I know I can. The tears I have shed will not be in vain; they are cleansing my soul and help me release the pain. God promises when we weep at night, joy will come in the morning. His love, grace, mercy, and peace, my heart they are adorning. I stand firm on God’s word and believe He’s not done with me yet. Everyday, I will allow my heart to heal with no regret. I can’t change the pain caused by others, but I don’t have to hold on to it. Letting go of the pain and forgiving, for me, it will be a benefit. From this day forward, I’m believing that I am worthy. I refuse to be treated like an option by someone who isn’t trustworthy. My eyes are focused on the prize at the finish line. I’m a child of God and He has made me to shine. I want people to see Jesus in me. Though I’ve been through many storms; I am happy. He is with me; He has never left me nor forsaken me. His love and peace bring me joy and broke the shackles; He set me free.