It's Not Always Easy

Sometimes I want to move freely in the wind and spread my wings Enjoy the feel of a summer breeze resting beneath them I often anticipate daylight tickling my funny bone until I crack a smile as the sun plants soft kisses on my skin Maybe I should invite hope to take me for long walks in the park or dance with me in the sandbox along with my inner child I long to I plant daisies in the sky Pick diamonds from the silver lining of the clouds I've always wanted to do that while listening to God's laughter as it gently touches my eardrums like angel feathers People have asked me to paint a dream Paint MY dreams so they could see what my thoughts look like but for me It's not always that easy I find it hard to rest when the nightmares come to bully me Usher me out from my safe place leaving me inside the pocket of it's darkness I've tried to fall asleep under a warm blanket of happiness but the induced labor of my vulnerability loves to pull the cover off as my transparency is put on display My world, most times can be quite unforgiving and I don't think you have any idea why Yet you believe it to be simple to will myself out of it Move they say but how when the quicksand of my insecurities keep sucking me in as my shoes anchor me down to my failures It's not always easy pretending to live my best life while contemplating ending it I don't think you know how much strength it takes to pull myself up from deep within You tell me to just... You say that I should... I'd try if I could but for each time I move head something stronger than motivation pulls me right back to where it thinks I belong It's not that easy to stand dormant in my footsteps in front of a mirror staring at the reflection of my own regret I long to ride a hobby off into the sunset crochet until my pain subsides Bake a pan of love fill with way too much confection I imagine drawing a better situation on a fresh canvas but I cannot and please don't ask me to It may be a piece of cake for you but for me It's not always that easy 4-4-2020