It Started From the Scratches

It started from the scratches A small frustration with myself A mistake that may or may not have been my fault But that didn’t make a difference To me, everything was on me And the world got a little grayer Slowly more things fell apart That core of self blame and complete hopelessness That nothing could ever get better And the scratches became more They became blood The blood I felt I deserved to lose for the way my life had been Once a day Twice a day Still a smile on my face And then came the mask The coverup I used to hide the dark numbing fog that consumed me Three, four times a day Not a single person around to care as there was more and more marks scarring me That stinging sensation of water in the shower hitting them But I don’t clean them because I don’t believe I deserve to heal The thoughts become numbing The feeling of pain, the only present emotion Five, six times a day Not a single moment goes by when I don’t feel the pain The temptations The urge to make myself feel that high of pain again and again Grey turns to black, stained with red And that is where it ends for many But the one fleeting choice to get help And it gets a little bit brighter I am a survivor I wear my scars as a testimony of my pain My struggles Never be afraid to get help Help is always out there If only just a match to light a candle Every day You are loved You are heard You are seen And there can be light again within us all