Is It Hate?

I don't know what i feel. I don't know how to grasp what it is. I think it's hate. That heart pounding, blood boilong hate. I feel like i hate everything. My world lit only by the little flecks if happy moments that pass to quickly. I'm forever engolfed in darkness. Feelling the hate, the dislike it keeps me content. I feels like it nourishes me, like i feed off it. I need it to keep me safe. I think. I'm confused. Why dont I know? I need it to keep all my happiness at a safe distance. For me not to hope for to much. To never let me be happy for to long. Why? (erica was here and loves this poem)