Invisible Illness

It's a wild ride, laughing and screaming at you. I feel as if I am in a fun house of emotions With psychotic clowns controlling my every move I'm their marionette being pulled in every direction by my warring nerves The background music is the sounds of my un-controlled laughter and crying the very same second My breathing is labored with tightness in my lungs Short, quick breaths to keep me floating in this quickly filling drowning pool I am too nice to hate and am trapped in life between love and hate I want to complain, but then you will see the real pain - I am in I want to walk, but cause my body tremendous exertion I want to talk, but cause my body pure exhaustion I want to do good, but it all results in damaging myself more Do I sit here and just deteriorate? Or do I try to strive, tearing my body apart even more than it is? I guess it doesn't matter which side of the double-bladed sword cuts you They're both just as sharp.