Insane
My lungs are deprived of oxygen; Engulfed in violence, I cannot breathe
Conspiracies of corrupted Love and Faith are choking me
My perverted deception of lettered
Combinations of a language I cannot speak
Fueled by an unmistakable anguish
Of silenced thoughts, allows me to perceive the worst,
Dig my grave even deeper and pattern my emotions
According to my ever sinking confusion
My blood is poisoned by my memories
My body’s aching; my nerves are pinched and crippled
My joints have been weakened, rusting with despair
I'm growing tired of my disease
I'm desperately trying to break down these walls
Of mistrust, bring down my guard and open my eyes
Wide enough, but the darkness is too heavy; I bow my head and succumb
To the vile dirt, intoxicated by rotting bodies
Of others like me before my time who too
Tried too hard to make sense of this surreal situation
Lost in their quest for a cure for this disease
They danced to the crazed rhythms of delusion
Fell victims to a never ending defeat
Entrapped in a world of constant battle between their minds
And what their hearts had felt and eyes had seen,
Paranoid visions ripped open their lungs and stripped them of air
They withered and gawked and eventually fell to their death.
Night after night I vomit the truth into your face
Its sickly smell appalls me but you remain unchanged
Night after night I regurgitate nails from my bleeding stomach
And pin you down for every wrong you’ve done
But you avoid my rolled back eyes and hanging tongue
Convince me I'm making things up, recommending medication
Like it could heal this worm-infested womb where the devil
Has planted his sperm, from which now evil itself is growing.
I'm becoming a prisoner locked up in cage half my size
Soon I will give birth to a beast, a monster; it will speak from my lips
And see with my eyes, breathe with my lungs and deviate freely across
The dance floor of life’s little vicious game. Now I create my own rules
Play my own way and I become free. Now no chains can bind my restless soul,
No cage can keep me locked up, no words can wreck my once fragile stability.
No I am not me anymore, I have become someone else, something else, and
While you have stayed blind, deaf, mute, cold and unchanged, every inch
Of me has transformed to something much, much worse, perhaps merely
because I’m fully aware I have become insane.
Copyright © Emanuela T. | Year Posted 2007
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